Author Archives: mbajane

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 7,504 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—10,886 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ

For this week’s Farm Kitchen/Do You Know the Muffin Man? Beginner Level Young Cultivator Merit Badge, Piper and I put up our muddy boots and got to talking.

Talking about? Muffins, of course. I mean, is there anything else in the wide, green world to talk about really? Right up there with Nancy Drew mystery stories, dresses with pockets, and whether or not one believes in ghosts, breakfast foods are really the go-to in any young girl’s conversational arsenal.

Perhaps Pooh and Piglet put it best:

“When you wake up in the morning, Pooh,” said Piglet at last, “what’s the first thing you say to yourself?”

“What’s for breakfast?” said Pooh. “What do you say, Piglet?”

“I say, I wonder what’s going to happen exciting today?” said Piglet.

Pooh nodded thoughtfully.

“It’s the same thing,” he said.

But of course—and this is the really exciting part—muffins aren’t just for breakfast anymore. They belong to one of those remarkable food categories like eggs, apples with peanut butter, and granola bars: an excellent choice no matter the time of day. Midnight snack muffins? Um, yes please. Breakfast, second breakfast, brunch, lunch, snack, dinner, and dessert? They can all be satiated with a muffin. They really are the perfect food …

“Aunty,” said Piper, “you’re getting that dreamy-eyed look again. Are you okay?”

“Just waxing poetical about muffins,” said I. “Top or bottom?”

“Top, of course!”

“What if you slice them from top to bottom instead of lopping off the top like most people do? Then each half would have half a top and half a bottom?”

Piper thought for a minute, then declared me a genius. (I know, I admit it humbly.)

Our next question was regarding our favorite flavors and it was such a long discussion we needed sustenance and lemonade, so we broke out the cookie jar while we deliberated. In the end, while we did choose current favorites, we realized our muffin knowledge was sadly lacking. Example: Piper had only ever had blueberry muffins and chocolate muffins, and I had been stuck in a lemon poppyseed rut for far too long. We had a feeling this badge was going to get us out of our comfort zone, and we were right!

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The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 7,504 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—10,886 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ 

For this week’s Farm Kitchen/Know Your Food Intermediate Level Young Cultivator Merit Badge, Nora decided to educate the rest of her family on her newfound knowledge of … drumroll please …

FRUIT.

Yes, once little Nora realized plain ol’ fruit was pretty plain delicious all on its own, she had forgone most of her sweet treats in favor of a juicy kiwi, or a bowl of peaches and cream, or some sun-ripened strawberries.

Photo by Nino Barbieri via Wikimedia Commons

She was even starting to come out of her sugar-induced coma. I swear I saw a twinkle in her eyes I had never seen before as she bit into an Anjou pear. It was a miracle.

To earn her Intermediate Level badge though, she had to share her knowledge.

In retrospect, I probably should have supervised this part a little more. Sharing what you love and don’t love about food at the dinner table, with over-tired parents and whiney siblings and the like can be a recipe for disaster. Note to self: Janey, my dear, when you have offspring of your very own, fruity looms, remember this.

Nora had been a sport about trying new fruits and veggies. We had a blast at the farmer’s market and grocery store, picking out new things. She even went totally overboard: she only needed to do one new item per week, but she was averaging one per day. The girl was becoming addicted to it. I wasn’t sure if her mom was going to thank me, or kill me.

Photo by Daderot via Wikimedia Commons

My Final Decisions and List of New Food
By Nora

The Good:

• Kiwis
• Cantaloupe
• Persimmon (but only under ripe, then they get gross)
• Plantains
• Starfruit
• Sweet Potatoes (made into fries only)
• Purple Cauliflower
• Radishes
• Pomegranates
• Jicama

The Bad:

• Sweet Potatoes that aren’t in the shape of fries
• Raisins
• Dragonfruit
• Squash
• Lima Beans
• Arugula

The Ugly:

• Beets (until you slice ‘em, then kinda pretty)
• Raisins (should be illegal)
• Turnips (yuck)
• Bean Sprouts (scary, alien-looking things)
• Ugly Fruit (No, really! It’s a thing! A form of a tangelo!)

Since no mom wants a report card after dinner, I took it upon myself to keep the list at my house. All in all, we tried lots of new stuff, and Nora enjoyed more than she spit out. Tastefully. Into a napkin.

We also learned that taste buds change over the years (they literally wear out like an old pair of socks), approximately every seven years to be precise. So though Nora may hate arugula now, she might eat it up cheerfully as a 20-year-old. (She is skeptical.)

Time will tell.

P.S. Jane here. Still waiting for my taste buds to accept asparagus. Maybe if I bury it in Hollandaise sauce? You know, for my health?

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The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 7,504 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—10,886 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ

Wondering who I am? I’m Merit Badge Awardee Jane (MBA Jane for short). In my former life …  

For this week’s Bibliophile Badging Intermediate Level Merit Badge, I had shortened my TBR pile from the Beginner Level badge, only to build it back up again. I’ve noticed TBR stacks are like bunnies. They multiply quickly and at a sometimes alarming rate.

Berliner Walk of Ideas, Humboldt University by Lienhard Schulz via Wikimedia Commons

One way to keep your tomes down to a manageable minimum is to loan your books out. I know, I know, it hurt my heart the first few times too. I mean, these were my babies. What if someone abused them? Dog eared their pages? Dropped them in the bubble bath? Used them as coasters? Or worse yet, never gave them back?

*gasp*

One thing I found to help alleviate that last fear, was this handy-dandy personal library kit. I recommend it highly, not just because it essentially gives the loanee no excuse to remember who owns that book, but it’s way fun to stamp things and channel your inner librarian.

Anyway, earning my badge meant challenging my friends to a book reading contest. You can do this with your local buddies, or do it online through social media, like Facebook or Instagram. I found plenty of willing participants, and we put ourselves out there with all sorts of goals and plans. We found we were all motivated by the same things: good books and prizes. That’s right, what’s a book reading challenge without a prize at the end? I gathered all sorts of fun trinkets to award to the readers: chocolate, coffee mugs, bookmarks, fuzzy socks, gel pens, etc. Then we separated our goals into easily obtained chunks, like this:

• Most Books Read in the Month
• Finishing an Entire Collection by One Author
• Keeping Detailed Reviews of Books Read
• Finishing a TBR Stack that is At Least Five Books High
• Reading Five Biographies

The possibilities for challenges and prizes are pretty much endless.

Next, organize your fellow bibliophiles in a real Book Club. Now, when I say real I don’t mean it has to meet in person right in your own living room: if that’s not a possibility due to living rurally or whathaveyou, you can have just as much fun joining or starting an online book club. Perk to that: you get to eat all the chocolate chip cookies you baked for the occasion all by yourself. Ahem.

Once your club is off the ground, so to speak, pick a book to read together and a date to meet. Also, a secret handshake and a clubhouse is not amiss, but maybe that’s just me.

My book club? We are currently reading spy thrillers, meet at a secret location, and eat a lot of cookies. But that’s just what floats my literary boat. Can’t find one to meet your needs? Check out our own Farmgirl Book Club on Facebook, and find what’s fresh and new (or old and vintage), chat it up with other bibliophiles, meet new friends and farmgirls, even be introduced to authors. Cookies not required, but highly recommended.

The Story Book by William-Adolphe Bouguereau via Wikimedia Commons

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The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 7,504 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—10,886 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ 

Wondering who I am? I’m Merit Badge Awardee Jane (MBA Jane for short). In my former life …  

For this week’s Each Other/Where in the World? Beginner Level Young Cultivator Merit Badge, I wrangled me some Piper.

Just call me the Child Wrangler.

(Just don’t call me late for dinner.)

I was itchin’ to do this badge with her because I hadn’t yet attempted the grown up farmgirl version of it: National Geography. I wanted to ease my way in, so to speak. Why? Well, let’s just say geography isn’t my strong suit.

And if you teach someone to fish for a day, you teach yourself … how to fish for a day as well. Or something like that.

Also, expressions aren’t my strong suit, either.

Anyway, Piper was excited about this one because she recently been gifted a huge stack of paper maps. Most were from old back issues of National Geographic magazine and they were mostly in good shape. She’d used some already … to make paper fans, paper dolls, homemade envelopes, line her dresser drawers, and turn into paper airplanes with which she accosted nearby bystanders (like me). In spite of all that … um, geography, she had yet to do anything with her maps along the lines of what the good cartographer had intended them for: hanging them up on her walls for study purposes.

Map of Eastern Europe, 1836, public domain via Wikimedia Commons

Armed with thumbtacks, we set about hanging the two most important ones: one of the United States, and one of the whole world. Hung right at eye level near her bed, I figured she would be doing a lot of learning and memorizing by osmosis.

And you know what they say: If you judge a fish a day by its ability to climb osmosis trees, it will spend its whole life believing it’s a stupid tree. Albert Einstein said that. Or something along those lines.

While I was staring intently at the map of America (When did North Dakota move over there? Has it always been there? Weird.), Piper was hanging up her own personal favorite map, one of Neverland.

You know, where Captain Hook reigns and the Lost Boys run amuck.

I was pretty sure this map had not been published by National Geographic, but I had to admit, it was a beautifully drawn map. Complete with crocodiles and flying pirate ships and mermaids! I was a little jealous and used a nearby crayon to add some mermaid doodles to North Dakota. It vastly improved the scenery.

Peter Pan, 1915, public domain via Wikimedia Commons

While Piper is not yet ready for the National Geography Bee, she had memorized quite a lot the next time I saw her. She knew the capitals of most states by their handy-dandy star icon, she knew which ocean was on which side of America, and she had added a sock to the boot-shaped Italy. She also knew the way to Neverland.

“Second star to the right,” she said, gravely, “And straight on till morning.”

We’re currently working on our flying ship to get there.

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The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 7,504 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—10,886 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ

For this week’s Each Other/Bibliophile Badging Beginner Level Merit Badge, I brought along my BFF, Midge, and we sauntered off to the library. Being the mom of triplets, Midge doesn’t get out much, and she hasn’t read a book without pictures and rhymes in like, five years, so I figured I’d share the love of this badge.

We both had library cards already, which was Step 1, but since Midge couldn’t find hers and mine needed an address update, we went to the front desk first. I was a little skeered the librarian lady would take a peek at my overdue fines and screech like a cat on a hot tin roof, but she seemed nonplussed. Of course, it helped that I paid down the balance and also brought her a double mocha with whip.

It’s important to keep the librarians fed and well-hydrated, don’t you know. They run the world.

Steacie Science and Engineering Library at York University by Raysonho via Wikimedia Commons

Anyway, the next part of earning our badge, Madge (er, I mean, Midge), was to check out the other things the library had to offer.

Get it? Check out the other things? (I slay myself.)

We availed ourselves of the handy-dandy free pamphlets the librarian had to offer, took snapshots of the extra-large bulletin board in the main room, and made sure to update our e-mail addresses so we wouldn’t miss a thing. In fact, our humble library offered so much free stuff, we planned out the next two months of our social calendar!

Midge found things for the kids to do:

• A Lord of the Rings movie marathon, with popcorn and trivia
• A book club for mystery lovers
• A craft afternoon

I found several things of interest that I promptly put on my to-do list:

• Read It Before You Watch It: a book club specializing in famous films that were novels first
• How to Garden
• A tour of my local cemetery, complete with historical guide
• A 25-cent book sale

Midge found several things up her own alley:

• Story-time for kindergarteners (moms get to browse the Adult Non-Fiction area nearby)
• A class for journal lovers
• A calligraphy course
• A meet and greet with local authors

We were so excited about all our new interests, we totally forgot to check out any books! So after realizing our mistake, we went back the next day. Sometimes these badges take a while … good things come to those who wait, however.

The final part of earning our Beginner Level badge was to start our TBR pile.

For those of you book newbies, a TBR pile is a To Be Read stack. Some people have these all over their houses, some relegate them strictly to the nightstand, some keep them scribbled on a piece of paper or organized on a website like Goodreads, and others (like Yours Truly) sprinkle them willy-nilly throughout the house and car. You never know when the mood to read will strike, you know?

If you’re stuck on what to put on your TBR list, ask your friendly librarian. She will be pleased as punch to give you her recommendation (and a double mocha with whip will assure she doesn’t hold back the best of the best). Tell her what your favorite authors or genres are to date, and she’ll come up with something faster than you can say Dostoevsky. Which admittedly, might not be very fast because that guy’s name is hard to pronounce.

Still not convinced about the power of your library? Check out some of these quotes, and when you’re done, get thee to your library and get yourself a card …

“The only thing that you absolutely have to know is the location of the library.” ~ Albert Einstein.

“I have always imagined that paradise will be a kind of library.” ~ Jorge Luis Borges.

“A library is the only single place you can go to learn something new, be comforted, terrified, thrilled, saddened, overjoyed, or excited all in one day. And for free.” ~ Amy Neftzger.

“Libraries represent the diversity and immensity of human thought, our collective knowledge laid out in rows of revealing inspiration.” ~ Manuel Lima.

“A library outranks any other one thing a community can do to benefit its people. It is a never failing spring in the desert.” ~ Andrew Carnegie.

“Without the library, you have no civilization.” ~ Ray Bradbury.

“What is more important to a library than anything else — than everything else — is the fact that it exists.” ~ Archibald MacLeish.

“The library is like a candy store where everything is free.” ~ Jamie Ford.

“The idea of a library full of books, the books full of knowledge, fills me with fear and love and courage and endless wonder.” ~ Elizabeth McCracken.

“Libraries really are wonderful. They’re better than bookshops, even. I mean bookshops make a profit on selling you books, but libraries just sit there lending you books quietly out of the goodness of their hearts.” ~ Jo Walton.

“There is no problem a library card can’t solve.” ~ Eleanor Brown.

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The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 7,504 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—10,886 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ 

For this week’s Garden Gate/Get Buggy Intermediate Level Young Cultivator Merit Badge, Piper and I wandered out to the front yard with our trusty notebook journals, magnifying glass, and a couple of glass jars with holes poked in the lids.

I think you can tell where we were going with this, righto? You got it, we were looking for some bug lovin’!

Furry, spindly, fat, eight-legged, four-legged, winged, cute, ugly (or bugly, as the pun-loving Pipes liked to say), we were all about dem bugs.

What we were not about was the anthill we accidently disrupted. Talk about ants in our pants. Okay, okay, I exaggerate, not so much in our pants as milling about our toes, but you get the drift. We apologized to the ant family (They didn’t even pause to listen though. Busy little buggers, aren’t they?) and moved to a different area of the yard.

For the Intermediate Level badge, you won’t really need the jars with lids, but we like to be prepared in case of bug adoptions. You never know when you might find a rare, exotic type lurking under your hydrangeas or scampering past your garden gnome! Why, just one of these finds of the Top Five Rarest Bugs in Nature would cement our notoriety in the world of entomologists:

• Euspinolia militaris (the panda ant): Oh, it may look all cute and fuzzy, with black and white patches that appear positively snuggable, but this ‘ant’ is actually a member of the wasp family. And we never recommend snuggling a wasp. Lest you think you can take this little guy on, we’re here to tell you his nickname is “cow killer” (and yes, they can!). Yikes. Luckily, these stinging devils are mostly found in Chile.

photo by silamtao

• Atrax sutherlandi (red-fanged funnel spider): Also called the Vampire Spider, this somewhat terrifying arachnid has red fangs. Gulp. Surprisingly though, for its fierce appearance, the atrax sutherlandi mostly just eats other insects, and won’t suck your blood.

• Lycaedes melissa samuelis (Karner butterfly): Finally, one that won’t keep you up at night with bad dreams, this vibrant blue butterfly can only be found near New York, where it sadly has nearly become extinct due to deforestation. It’s a particular and persnickety butterfly and wants its habitat exactly just-so (kind of like me, now that I think about it).

photo by Hollingsworth, J & K via Wikimedia Commons

• Titanus giganteus (the titan beetle): Back to the frightening kind, this beetle, native to the Amazon rainforest, can be 9 inches long! Let that sink in. Bigger than my whole hand. Or my favorite sub sandwich! Well, at least at that size, it won’t be sneaking up on me anytime soon.

• Dryococelus australis (the tree lobster): This ginormous walking stick insect (about 6 inches long!) only lives on Lord Howe Island, between New Zealand and Australia. Entomologists thought this amazing creature was extinct back in the ‘20s but luckily for bug lovers everywhere in the early 2000s, they began popping up again. Now, experts are breeding them so as to populate the island once more. How do the residents feel about this? Unsure. How do I feel about that? Glad I don’t live on Lord Howe Island!

photo by Granitethighs via Wikimedia Commons

Well, Piper and I didn’t find any of these remarkable bugs, but we did find some beauties to mark down in our journals. And a roly-poly named Earnest lived in a Mason-jar habitat for an afternoon before we let him go back to his family.

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The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 7,428 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—10,886 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! ~MaryJane 

For this week’s Each Other/Let’s Go to Town Expert Level Young Cultivator Merit Badge, Andy and I—you guessed it—went to town.

photo by James Steakley via Wikimedia Commons

If only earning Merit Badges were so simple …

Once we got there (several yard sales and snack breaks later), we headed over to our local library. Not for books this time, no siree, but to see what was thumbtacked up on the ol’ community bulletin board.

We saw:

• Services from a pet psychic (Yeah. That’s all my chickens need. They already think they’re Marie Antoinette if their diva behavior is any indication.)
• Tuba lessons (BYOT)
• Something called Pickleball
• Massage therapy for the ticklish
• A seminar on DIY world domination
• Matchmaking services for the romantically challenged
• How to cook with inedible ingredients (say what now?)
• Lost: guinea pig
• Found: weird-looking rodent
• Soccer for seniors
• Conquer your fears through total immersion therapy (please sign waivers, provided)
• Community theatre actors wanted
• Underwater basket-weaving classes
• Sign Language, Shakespeare, and You

There were probably lots more, but they were all stapled and scotch-taped and thumbtacked right over one another, all willy-nilly. I thought someone needed to offer a community class on the Proper Etiquette of bulletin-boarding, but Andy was all about … drum roll, puhleeze …

Pickleball!

To earn his Expert Level badge, Andy and I were going to choose three different after-school-type activities. He had already joined Band last week, and I wrangle him in to my Book Club meetings every third Thursday (I lure him with the scent of chocolate-chip cookies. Works every time. Little guy is cute, but he isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed when it comes to noticing things. Ah well. He gets cookies and some literary education, to boot. Although, he wasn’t real fond of The Bridges of Madison County, and when it was his turn to pick the novel, he chose Sir Farts-A-Lot Eats the Booger as revenge. How childish. Although, I have to say, I secretly enjoyed the book).

Anyway, where was I? Ah yes. Pickleball was to be our third activity! We were both really excited. Andy because he likes balls, me because I love a good pickle.

Sadly (and you may be one step ahead of me on this), there were no vinegary cucumbers to be found when we got to the arranged meeting place. Instead, there were paddles, nets, plastic balls with holes in them, and a tennis court.

photo by Stephen James Hall via Wikimedia Commons

I was instantly suspicious. This looked like some sort of *gasp* SPORT.

Suddenly, I knew how Andy felt every third Thursday.

Putting my fear of all things sports-related aside for the greater good, I attempted learning the oddity that is pickleball. Turns out, I wasn’t really so bad. It’s kind of like ping-pong on a larger scale. And I’m happy to report one of the sports moms brought juice boxes and crackers, so I made it through a happy camper. And Andy earned his badge. He put it right next to his dog-eared copy of Captain Underpants (I think I know what we’re reading next month).

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The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 7,504 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—10,886 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ 

For this week’s Each Other/Big Kid Now Expert Level Young Cultivator Merit Badge, Andy asked me to help him by shadowing him as he shadowed another.

I know. Sounds shady. Like a film noir, Humphrey Bogart/Lauren Bacall, cue the Magnum P.I. theme music shady. But in order to earn his badge, he needed to follow in the footsteps of someone (a mentor or Farmgirl Sister) who was working in the profession he was most interested in. He had waffled a bit, I admit, while earning his first two badges in this category, but he finally settled on what he thought was his dream job.

Donut Maker and Baker Extraordinaire.

He added the Extraordinaire part, as I’m sure you deduced.

I knew he was coming at it from a purely preteen, adolescent, constantly hungry, sugar-crazed, glazed and frosted, point of view, but I figured he could learn that the hard way.

Also, I enjoy a good maple bar like any red-blooded American farmgirl, so I didn’t mind waiting in the wings. The sprinkled, deep-fried, apple fritter wings … where was I?

The neighborhood baker at the local donut shop was only too happy to oblige Andy’s request. In fact, I thought I heard something mumbled manically under his breath about slave labor and needing the fryer deep-cleaned, but I couldn’t be sure. Probably just my imagination.

Bright and early the next morning, we were off. And by ‘bright and early,’ I of course mean, in the dead of night with nothing but moonlight to light our way to the donut shop. Andy resembled a cast member of the Walking Dead, and I must admit, I didn’t look too good myself. Nobody looks good at 3:30 a.m., except maybe the aforementioned Bogey and Bacall. But they had makeup artists and better lighting.

Mr. Donut Maker and Baker Extraordinaire Senior was already up and ready to go. I’m not sure what his veins are pumping with, but I’m fairly certain it’s caffeine and sugar, not the normal blood the rest of us have. I got myself to the coffeemaker faster than you could say ‘good morning, sunshine’, and when I couldn’t find a mug fast enough, I used a large mixing bowl.

It was either that, or put my lips directly beneath the coffee spout and guzzle. And I am a lady, let me remind you. Most of the time.

Mr. Donut Maker and Baker Extraordinaire Junior found some energy somewhere in that gangly body of his, and jumped right in. He had been hoping for a hot breakfast of chocolate-glazed goodness before any actual work, but one narrow-eyed squint from his new boss kept him on the straight and narrow. He was put to the test by cleaning out some ovens.

He spent half the time reenacting the witch scene from Hansel and Gretel until Mr. Baker plugged his donut hole with a pastry just to keep him quiet.

All in all, it was one long day … that somehow was over by 2 p.m. Baker’s hours are a thing not to be taken lightly.

Me, I take mine with extra sprinkles and a mixing bowl of strong coffee. Because I am a lady.

Just not before 9 a.m.

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The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 7,466 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—10,836 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! ~MaryJane 

Wondering who I am? I’m Merit Badge Awardee Jane (MBA Jane for short). In my former life…

For this week’s Farm Kitchen/Table Talk Expert Level Young Cultivator Merit Badge, I enlisted all three of my fab favorite kitchen minions: Andy, Nora, and Piper. After all, they were all ready to earn this badge and a bird in the hand is worth three in the kitchen. Or something like that.

Anyway, they got to work planning out their menu, since this Expert Level badge was all about making dinner and being adventurous about it, to boot. Adventure is in these kids’ blood, I tell ya, so this was not going to be a problem. At least, that’s what I thought.

Trying to get them to agree on supper plans was pretty exhausting and time consuming. I needed a snack just to keep my blood sugar up. Finally, after some serious arguments, tiffs, quarrels, and squabbles (not to mention arm-wrestling matches), they decided they would each pick out a dish. After all, it was going to be a full meal deal, righto?

Going with their spirits of adventure and trying new things, I steered them away from standby favorites, such as macaroni and cheese, hamburgers, and pizza. I let them browse through my cookbook collection and scroll through Pinterest, and they came up with some pretty interesting menu ideas.

Okay, so they didn’t flow together all that great, but we decided to call it A Trip Around the World Buffet. Andy chose fish tacos, Nora picked Savory Crepes, and Piper had her heart set on Ratatouille.

photo by Arnold Gatilao via Wikimedia Commons

I wished I had a bigger kitchen.

I ate another snack.

Piper’s dish was going to take the longest to prepare and cook, so I let her get started first. She learned how to use a mandoline (no, not the instrument, my peeps—that’s a mandolin, but the slicing kind). The bounty from my garden was getting some serious lovin’. We used eggplant, yellow squash, zucchini, red and green peppers, fresh basil, garlic, plum tomatoes, and red onion. The smell was divine! She artfully arranged all our slices in a beautiful pattern and we put it in the oven.

Then Nora was up with her Savory Crepes. Crepes are fun for everyone because you can put anything inside of them. Nora took this decision seriously and really got her knickers in a twist over the pairings. She finally decided on mushrooms, pesto, and turkey. We made a simple batter and I must say, she got pretty darn good at flipping. One or two or seven might have ended on the floor, but practice makes perfect and she figured out her crepe-making mojo.

Then we let Andy back in the kitchen, and he was a whirling dervish. It was like the Tasmanian Devil was whipping up the fish tacos. Back and forth he went, stirring his Sweet and Spicy Chili sauce, dipping his halibut in salt and pepper and cumin, heating up his corn tortillas, and chopping up lettuce, cilantro, and radishes.

At the end? We had a feast of epic culinary proportions. We were all so full, it felt like we had eaten Thanksgiving early!

And the state of my kitchen?

Don’t ask.

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The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 7,466 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—10,836 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! ~MaryJane 

For this week’s Farm Kitchen/Table Talk Intermediate Level Young Cultivator Merit Badge, I spoke to Andy’s parents about letting him come over once a week for a month to, uh, well, do my dishes.

I know, these badges rock, am I right?

No, in all seriousness, it is a skill that kids these days need to learn, and well, if it happened to coincide with the breaking of my dishwasher, hey, that’s just a happy coincidence. Can I get an amen?

And it’s not just a skill for girls and women, as this 1930s poster from the Illinois State Employment Service implies …

1930s poster from the Work Projects Administration Poster Collection, via Wikimedia Commons

So, each Friday evening, after my date night with Mr. Wonderful, Andy trudged over and we got to work. I now call him Mr. Wonderful-in-Training.

Dishwashers have been around oh, for a long time now. Feel free to Google how long, but it’s safe to say this generation of American kiddos have not lived without them, and while some have the chore of loading up or unloading said machine, the majority have probably never had to do a sinkful by hand.

This is where I came in, chickadees. There’s an art to hand washing dishes, if I do say so myself. And really, it’s kind of soothing and therapeutic. (Not that I want Fridays back. I’m enjoying the little respite.)

First, a little organization. Mr. Wonderful-in-Training was all set to toss (and I do mean toss; the kid has a wicked curve ball) the entire dinner’s worth of cutlery, plates, pots, and pans, into the sink together. I explained that he needed a method to his madness: like, any method. Preferably one that didn’t mix steak knives with my good china.

Jackie Cooper, 1955, NBC Television via Wikimedia Commons

So, into the bubbles went all the forks and spoons on the right side. Steak knives and any other knives into the left. (Keeping them separate cuts down on nicks and pokes. Get it? Cuts down? Ha!) Then we gently set down the plates, which of course, had been rinsed. You can scrape supper remains into your composting bin, or if your dinner has been doggy friendly, straight into your mutt’s mouth and into his tummy.

Rinsing depends on your sink, naturally. If you have two sides, one little person can wash, while the other rinses on the other side. If you’re blessed with three pint-sized servants offspring, the third can dry and put away. It’ll be a rugrat brigade!

After the plates and cutlery were finished, we added a bit more hot water and another squirt of soap, and also the pots and pans and serving dishes. I had made ribs and mashed potatoes that first Friday, so we had a lot of tough, sticky, starchy, things to work on. Mr. Wonderful-in-Training was up to the challenge though, and by the time he was done, everything was (mostly) shiny and spotless. My sponge had to be thrown out though; Andy used some serious elbow grease. Must be all those curve balls he’s been working on.

Now, if you’re going to help your whippersnapper earn this badge, I’d say there’s a magical age for it: between 4 and 11 is my bet. For the shorties, get a stool that’s sturdy. If you want to make it even more fun, add some gloves in a colorful print, some sponges, and a yummy smelling dish soap.

Voila! Clean kitchen and ever-so-moisturized children will ensue.

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