Author Archives: mbajane

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 6,065 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—8,688 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ 

Wondering who I am? I’m Merit Badge Awardee Jane (MBA Jane for short). In my former life …   

For this week’s Garden Gate/Grow Where You’re Planted Intermediate Level Merit Badge, I took a good, hard look at my lawn. I narrowed my baby blues and really considered and contemplated. And then I marinated in the knowledge of what I learned …

Photo by EliOrni via Wikimedia Commons

That manicured, square shaped piece of grass in the front of your house? The one that—may I venture to guess—is not getting much use, takes up a lot of water to keep green, needs mowing at inopportune times, and doesn’t seem to have a point in life. Am I being impudent? (Look who’s been brushing up on her grammar. Over here! Pick me!) Perhaps you’re not as bad as I am at neglecting the space out your front window, but if you are, let’s chat.

Front lawns are pretty enough, I suppose. But they’re a surprising amount of work for a little patch of green. All that watering and mowing and removing of crabgrass or dandelions (although I like to let ‘em live if I ‘fess up. I’m a closet dandelion lover).

Lawn Mower Girl via Wikimedia Commons

But, Jane, you say, I need a place for the kids to play! Can’t roughhouse in a garden, can they? Well, says I, let’s be honest. Half of us are guilty of spraying our patches of lawn with toxic chemicals just to keep it pretty and green (and keep the homeowner’s association from frowning at us). Did you know that 100 million pounds of pesticides are used on lawns and gardens each year, many of them highly toxic to humans and pets? The CDC studied over 9,000 people nationwide and found pesticides in ALL of them; the average person tested for 13 of the 23 pesticides tested.

Do we really want the rugrats playing on all that nastiness?

There are lots of alternatives to just plain grass. Let’s explore some, shall we, my little chickadees?

• Raised beds for veggies

Photo by B. Blechmann via Wikimedia Commons

• Rock garden
• Wildflower patch

Photo, Bureau of Land Management via Wikimedia Commons

• Shrubberies (go all Edward Scissorhands)

Photo by Mat Fascione via Wikimedia Commons

• Cobblestones in a pathway or even a mini labyrinth maze
• Fruit trees
• Lawn art (doesn’t have to be kitschy … although it could be!)

Photo by April222 via Wikimedia Commons

• Move some of your backyard life into the front. If your chickens have a pretty fabulous coop and they like to visit with the wandering pedestrians, move them out front. Have nice patio furniture? Don’t hide it in the back; be sociable and put it in the front. Kids have a swingset? I bet it would do your senior citizens heart’s good to watch them play from across the street.
• Herb plants, such as thyme, rosemary, mint, oregano, basil, etc. They smell a-MAY-zing when it rains! (And—helpful hint—they are perennials. Yay!)

Photo by vizpix via Flickr

• Groundcovers such as: Irish Moss, Creeping Jenny (gosh, just the name alone makes me want some), Pretty Lamium, Blue Star Creeper, Green Carpet, Stone Crop, Creeping Wire Vine, Viola, Fleur de Lawn, Black Scallop Bugleweed, Chamomile, Pink Chintz, Elfin Thyme, Snow-in-Summer, Hardy Ice Plant, and Clover. Check to see which ones are native to your area and go crazy.

One of the neatest things about ground covers? A lot of them can really stand up to traffic! This isn’t your granddaddy’s lawn, with your stereotypical elderly person shouting at the neighborhood whippersnappers to get off his lawn! No way, my peeps. This is my lawn, with your stereotypical well-dressed doll shouting at the neighborhood whippersnappers to come on over! I have tea!

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 6,035 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—8,663 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ 

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 6,035 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—8,663 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ 

For this week’s Each Other/Connecting Growers and Eaters Beginning Level Merit Badge, I volunteered to take over the gardening duties of my neighbor, Mr. Midgely. Recently, he had taken a tumble down his porch and his shiny new cast wasn’t compatible with getting down in the dirt, weeding, and foraging for vegetables. I said to myself, “Self, you can be neighborly and earn a new merit badge while doing so.”

What could be better?

That was before I knew of Mr. Midgely’s obsession preoccupation with zucchini.

Now I love a grilled zucchini as much as the next farmgirl. They’re a tasty veg, and we’re close friends.

But I never want to see another zucchini again.

Mr. Midgely evidently was preparing for alien takeovers, the zombie apocalypse, or a simple famine, because the dear man planted enough of the giant green vegetable to feed our entire town. And the next one over. Plus, most of Rhode Island and maybe Texas.

Before I knew what I had gotten myself into, I was knee deep in squash. Everywhere I looked, every time I turned around, I found myself surrounded. At first, they seemed a friendly enough sort of veggie, but after a couple of hours in the hot sun, my baskets laden with what felt like hundreds of pounds, they began to form menacing faces.

Remember the singing violets and roses in Alice In Wonderland?

Photo via Wikimedia Commons

Like that. Only more creepy. And less singing.

I seemed to be making no progress. Zucchinis were pressing in on me from each side. As soon as I picked one, I swore three more grew up instantly in its place! Like amorous bunnies, they were procreating right before my stunned eyes!

I had to get out of there. I lugged my two tons of squash with me as far as the porch, then left them behind when I started to hear them chuckling maniacally at me. It had to have been sunstroke, but I wasn’t taking any chances. When the produce starts guffawing, it’s time to take a break.

Mr. Midgely was watching his soap operas when I burst into the house. He seemed to understand my panicked look … after all, it wasn’t his first garden. But I didn’t appreciate the twinkle in his eye, all the same.

After a quick cookie and tea break, I went back to work. I wasn’t going to be licked by a Curcurbita pepo! (You’re welcome for that little bit of knowledge.) I hunkered back down in the dirt and threatened my enemy with all sorts of graphic promises:

• to be sautéed in butter, and sprinkled with garlic salt
• grated and used in muffins and quick breads
• diced into a summer squash salad
• sliced thinly and added to pasta
• sliced thickly, battered, and fried
• puréed into baby food

Or how about …

• filled, for Stuffed Zucchini with Spinach and Bacon
• pickled (Overnight Zucchini Pickles)
• made into delicious Baked Zucchini Chips
• or used as wraps for Sweet & Smoky Salmon Zucchini Rolls

After my chilling guarantees, the zucchinis started to seem less intimidating and even began behaving themselves. I got each and every one picked, by Zeus, and wrestled into the house to be washed. Mr. Midgely’s kitchen looked like a Zucchinis R Us store when I was done.

Photo by USDA via Wikimedia Commons

He watched me from his recliner, munching on cookies.

I’m getting skeptical about that leg.

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 5,965 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—8,526 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ 

For this week’s Cleaning Up/Shopping Green Expert Level Merit Badge, I graduated (with honors) from the whole I-own-lots-of-cute-reusable-shopping-bags-but-I-always-leave-them-at-home thing, to the not-only-do-I-own-lots-of-cute-reusuable-shopping-bags-but-I-nearly-always-remember-to-take-them-shopping thing. This graduation deserved three cheers, a toss of my figurative hat in the air, and several slices of cake. You know. To celebrate.

But this was not enough for me. Nay. Never let it be so. My love for reusable shopping totes was not going to stop there. I was off to convert someone. Share the love. Spark some interest.

And also:

party.

A bag party! A swap meet of sorts. An evening with my fellow farmgirls, chatting, sewing, trading, admiring, and re-gifting our collection of shopping bags. What could be more fun than never having to hear the condemning words from our friendly local cashiers again,

Would you like paper or plastic?

Shudder, gasp, PSHAW! As if!

Since I was hosting, I figured I should have the most bags to begin with. I mean … okay, it’s not a contest, and it’s not like I’m greedy or anything, it’s just that I wanted everyone to go home with plenty. So I stocked up. I learned how to make the cutest totes from old T-shirts, and since I kinda got on a roll and made approximately eleventy-seven of them in one afternoon, I thought I’d share a little tutorial with you all.

1.) Raid your husband/father/friend/Aunt Sally’s closet for vintage Ts, or better yet, tank tops. Do they have to be vintage? Nope. But they turn out awfully cute. P.S. Make sure the fabric is somewhat heavyweight. We don’t want your container of organic mango sherbet crashing to its tragic death on the way out of the garage. Been there. Done that. Have the T-shirt. Hah!

2.) Flip inside out. Sew the bottom shut (using a sewing machine or serger, this will take like two nano-seconds). Using a large bowl, or just eyeballing it, draw a semi-circle along where the original neck hole is. (You’re just enlarging it is all. You know, so you can fit in the family-size cheddar-and-sour-cream potato chips without squishing them.) Cut. Hem (or skip the hemming and just use pinking shears if the fabric isn’t the fraying kind; I won’t tell).

3.)  Remove the sleeves. Hem. (Step #3 not necessary if using tanks).

4.) Voila!

Other ideas to get your creativity juices flowing:

• Use sheets instead of Ts. You’ll get plenty of bags out of an old flat sheet!
• Add a pocket in the front. Good for tiny items, and also for rolling up your bag when it’s not in use.
• Use thicker fabric for your cold items.
• Make several sizes! Sometimes all you’re picking up is a carton of tea, a pack of gum, and a jar of honey.
• Take apart a paper bag to use as a pattern if you like the bags that have flat bottoms for standing up straight while you’re bagging.
• Add a zipper or button for closing. This privacy is nice if you’re like me and you like to stock up on panties and brassieres once a year and don’t want them going the way of the mango sherbet … embarrassing to leave a trail of satin hi-cut briefs in the driveway. Not that I’ve ever done that:)

Once you have a nice collection going and you’re basking in the warm glow of all the compliments you receive when out shopping, share the love. Have a bag swap. (And invite me).

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 5,929 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—8,474 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ 

For this week’s Stitching and Crafting/Embroidery Expert Level Merit Badge, I took advantage of some down time (that’s what I call it’s-too-hot-to-go-outside-and-it’s-too-hot-to-turn-the-stove-on) and got out my collection of embroidery floss. What’s floss without needles naturally? so I got those out as well.

And of course, what are you going to do with a bunch of thread and needles and nothing to stitch them to, right? so I crawled into my linen cabinet.

Yes, literally.

It’s a really deep cabinet, girls.

And somewhat unorganized, I confess.

Ahem. Is there a badge for closet organization?

I admit to being something of a pillowcase hoarder, but today is the day where my irrational love of rectangular shaped cotton covers was finally going to pay off. By golly, I had a place to put these puppies now and it wasn’t the back of the closet with last year’s Halloween decorations, 12 rolls of wrapping paper, a set of curlers (for my hair … not the sport you see at the Olympics), and a case of toilet paper bought from one of those warehouse club places that will last me until approximately April of 2064.

Anyway, I seem to have gone off on a bunny trail there. My point was this: I had recently rearranged my living room to include a lovely window seat. (Talk about needing a badge for that one, am I right, girls? I’ll be covered in badges in no time.) Well, really, it’s an upcycled set of cabinets, turned on their side and placed strategically beneath my large picture window. But if you didn’t know better (pretend like you don’t know better), you’d say the architect was a genius.

Why, thanks. *blushes*

And as we all know, window seats are made for pillows. Or pillows are made for window seats. Or something. All I know is, I had an awesome place to sit and nibble cookies and people watch, and I needed some cushions to do so in comfort. My pillowcase collection was about to be put to good use!

Of course, it wasn’t as simple as all that. Just pulling a stack of fabric niceties out of your closet isn’t going to earn you a badge – sorry to disillusion you. No, this badge was all about embroidery, remember? (Why you keep getting me off track with all this talk about toilet paper and Olympic sports and architecture is beyond me. Try to focus!)

My plain, slightly boring pillowcases needed a makeover, and I had just the floss, needles, hoop, and nimble fingers to do it. Since I knew this windowseat would be excellent for reading novels, I used some of my favorite quotes to decorate my pillows. You can print out fonts and iron them on, or use stencils, or just free write them with a pencil.

Here are a few things my friendly pillows have to say as I snuggle in with them. Can you match the quotes with the novels?

I am so glad to live in a world where there are Octobers.

To live would be an awfully big adventure.

I wish I’d done everything on earth with you.

You have bewitched me, body and soul.

Let’s begin by taking a smallish nap or two.

I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Answers: Anne of Green Gables, Peter Pan, The Great Gatsby, Pride and Prejudice, Winnie the Pooh, Harry Potter.

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 5,892 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—8,416 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ 

For this week’s Farm Kitchen/Self-Sufficiency Expert Level Merit Badge, I was really, really enjoying my food dehydrator. I mean, I was in love with the little miracle maker. My tummy full of yesterday’s beef jerky, I moved on to some vegetarian options. Pineapple, “sun”-dried tomatoes, apples, banana chips, peas, and plums. Mm! And don’t forget mangoes, papayas, peaches, and kiwis. Dry your own teas, make your own soup mix, gosh! The possibilities are keeping me up at night with hunger pangs (or they would be, if I hadn’t stashed some dried nectarines in my nightstand).

P.S. Don’t have a food dehydrator? You can try setting your oven to a low temperature. But some ovens don’t go low enough.

Here are some of my favorite recipes:

Homemade Dried Onion Soup Mix (although I usually use it for other things besides soup: casseroles, sprinkled atop steamed veggies, in meatloaf or burgers, or as a base for other soups)

• 8 t dried onion flakes (why, dry your own, of course!)
• 1 1/2 t dried parsley (again … do I even need to say it?
• 1 t onion powder, and turmeric
• 1/2 t each celery seed, sugar, salt, and pepper

Store in a Mason jar or Ziploc bag.

Citrus Mint and Licorice Tea

• Zest of 2 lemons and 2 oranges (remove with veggie peeler, then chop)
• one 3-inch piece of ginger, finely chopped
  • 1/2 small fennel bulb (can substitute whole star anise, but if you do, add the anise in at the last step)
  • 1 cup tightly packed mint leaves
  • 1 cup dried cranberries or apricots

Dry your zests, ginger, and fennel until dried. Dry the mint as well (you can put them in together, but the mint will be ready the quickest). Crumble the mint when cool enough to handle and steep with hot water (about 2 T per 1 cup water).

Photo by GuillaumeG via Wikimedia Commons

Homemade Wasabi Peas

• one package frozen (defrosted) or fresh peas, dried nearly completely (let them be a little chewy still—we aren’t done drying them yet
• 2 T white rice vinegar
• 4-5 T wasabi powder
• 1 t mustard powder

Toss the nearly done peas with the mixture above. Return to dryer and finish drying. Eat alone as a spicy, yummy snack or add to your own Gorp mix, trail mix, or popcorn.

Chocolate-covered Dried Fruit

• assorted dried fruits that go well with chocolate (Is this an oxymoron, Jane, my girl? Doesn’t EVERYTHING go well with chocolate?)
• dipping chocolate (dark, milk, white—whatever floats your boat)

Dip cooled fruits in warm chocolate. Let dry (if you can you have more willpower than I) on wax paper. These are most excellent for gifts. Like, a gift to me from me. Happy Tuesday, Jane … you know, those kind of gifts. The best kinds.

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 5,929 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—8,474 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ 

For this week’s Outpost/Glamping Expert Level Merit Badge, my farmgirl friends and I joined forces and went glamping.

Oh yeah.

And in style … to boot.

(Boots? I brought boots of course. They look fetching with a sundress if I do say so myself).

Glamping—as we all know by now, unless you’ve been living under the perverbial rock—is a form of camping, but with more flair (glamour + camping). I’d worked my way up to this Expert Level badge, and I was itchin’ to really put my skills to use. I use the expression itchin’ in the figurative sense, of course, though I did bring some homemade anti-itch cream with me, just in case.

Homemade Anti-Itch (calamine) Lotion

• 1 t non-nano zinc oxide powder
• 1 t fine sea salt
• 1 t baking soda
• 2 t bentonite clay
• 1 T witch hazel
• 10 drops peppermint essential oil

Mix the zinc oxide, sea salt, baking soda, and bentonite clay. Slowly add the witch hazel and stir continuously until it’s nice and creamy, then add peppermint oil. (It’s a good idea to keep all of the dry ingredients on hand in a jar. Then all you have to do is mix in the wet ingredients. This recipe may not last super long, but if you’re prone to bug bites and falling into sneaky patches of poison oak like I am, that won’t be a problem.)

I’ve been saving up my spending money to buy a little teardrop camper,

but in the meantime, I still have my trusty childhood pup tent.

I patched up any holes, shook out the remains of 20 years of dead bugs, and aired her out in my backyard before we were ready to go. Then I got a little crazy and crafty and used some rickrack and lace trim I had lying around, and edged the tent. Once we got to the campsite, I hung some pretty crystal beads near the doorway and put a sweet little rug down at the entrance. She was looking gorgeous. I decided she needed a name. Cars get names, boats get names, campers get names, why not my adorable little home-away-from-home?

I stepped back and studied her with a critical eye as I sipped my Lady Grey tea out of my china tea cup (hey, I said this was glamping!).

I straightened her up (she tends to list to one side, but I think of it as cute little way of cocking her head) and placed my favorite lawn chair nearby. The effect was enchanting. She really was a looker. I named her Vivian Leigh.

Then I took in my friend’s campsites; we were sitting pretty. Midge had brought her Airstream with the awning that cranks out by hand in the most delightful way, and our girlfriend, Skipper, had brought her original 1978 Volkswagon bus with the gingham curtains. (Did you know you can buy tents that look like VW buses? I know, right?!)

photo by Saschaporsche via Wikimedia Commons

Our campsites made in the shade (literally and figuratively) we grilled up our dinner, sang songs around the campfire, brushed our teeth, and hit the hay. It was a night to be remembered: Midge, Skipper, Vivian Leigh, and me.

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 5,892 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—8,416 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ 

For this week’s Farm Kitchen/Forage for Food Expert Level Merit Badge, I begged, cajoled, pleaded, beseeched, and otherwise nagged my good friend at the Department of Fish and Game to accompany me on my first annual Wild ‘Shroom Hunt. Dear, sweet Helen is pretty much my bestie. Okay, okay, we only met that one time last summer when I bought my fishing license, but I know we hit it off. I could feel the connection. I’m fairly certain she felt the same way, because she was way friendly and told me to have a nice day. So, yeah. Besties.

Anyway, Helen was leery at first—amazingly, she’s not much of a mushroom eater—s face it, girls, I cannot be trusted in the wild alone. I mean, there are lots of dramatic ways I want to go out when I meet my maker, so to speak, but poisoning myself with a mushroom omelet is not high on my list. Know what I mean, string bean?

So Helen finally agreed to spend the afternoon with me, as long as I brought along some of my famous homemade granola snacks and some organic lemonade. So off we went, we two intrepid foragers, into the forests of the Pacific Northwest. I accidently left the granola in the car, so to keep Helen’s plummeting spirits up, I made sure to sing lots of camp songs as we hiked. Two hours and a few mushrooms later, Helen told me that not only was my singing attracting Sasquatches, but it was also scaring away all the fungi. Who knew? So, hard as it was, I concentrated less on my crooning and more on the ground in front of me. At the end of our hike, we had some delicious finds:

• Apricot Jelly Mushrooms (How cute is that name? So in love right now.)

Photo by H. Krisp via Wikimedia Commons

• Bear’s Head Mushroom (Less cute name, but gorgeous ‘shroom.)

Photo by Martin Hlauka (Pescan) via Wikimedia Commons

• Blue Chanterelles (I kinda thought they were purple pansies at first, I admit.)

Photo by Noah Siegel via Wikimedia Commons

• Chicken of the Woods (No chickens were harmed in the making of this mushroom—haha!)

Photo by Jean-Pol Grandmont via Wikimedia Commons

• Western Giant Puffball (Was this one named by a toddler?)

Photo by Jerry Friedman via Wikimedia Commons

• Scaly Hedgehog (Really does look a bit like a hedgehog!)

Photo by H. Krisp via Wikimedia Commons

• Slimy Spike Cap (Seriously slimy. In the interest of full disclosure, I may or may not actually eat this one.)

Photo by Bernd Haynold via Wikimedia Commons

• Fairy Ring or Scotch Bonnet (So adorable! Like parasols for fairies.)

Photo courtesy Wikimedia Commons

• Ink Caps (Helen says these cause an allergic reaction when consumed with alcohol, so I won’t be doing any wine pairing with these! So glad I have my bestie.)

Photo by James Lindsey via Wikimedia Commons

• Oyster Mushroom (Only when found on trees. If you think you see some on a dead log, stay away! It’s the poisonous Angel Wing Mushroom masquerading as an Oyster Mushroom. Imposter!)

Photo by Jean-Pol Grandmont via Wikimedia Commons

• Horn of Plenty (A pretty lilac and grey colored ‘shroom.)

Photo by Jean-Pol Grandmont via Wikimedia Commons

I also think I found some Sasquatch tracks. But that’s a risk you have to take when foraging, I guess. ‘Shrooms and ‘Squatches. Sounds like a tasty restaurant.

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 5,929 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—8,474 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ 

For this week’s Make It Easy/Make It! Intermediate Level Merit Badge, I decided to quit pinning amazing ideas and DIY crafts on Pinterest, and actually accomplish one. Or several.

In order to earn my Intermediate Level Badge, my little chickadees, I needed to make a piece of outdoor furniture. Seeing as how my garden is coming along at a beautiful rate and there’s nothing better than relaxing on the porch at sunset, a frosty beverage in hand, I was all about some outdoor furniture. (A girl can get tired of sitting on the steps, especially when that girl’s derriere is not as young as it used to be).

I cheerfully hopped on the Upcycling Bandwagon. Didn’t know there was such a wagon? Oh my, yes. Upcycling—recycling something into something else even more fabulous—is all the rage, and never let it be said that I’m not up to date in the newest trends; I have leopard-print ballet flats to prove it.

A little treasure seeking in my own attic brought out the perfect materials to make the cutest bench you ever did see: an old twin headboard and side rails. Are you following me, farmgirls? Headboard for the backboard, so to speak. Rails to make the bench, and a fresh coat of homemade chalk paint. I even had plans for the extra rail (after all, I only needed one section to make the bench): either a table to match (on which to place my frosty beverage) or a homemade swing (but where will I put my frosty beverage in that case)? Table it is.

I sawed a bit, measured a lot, sanded some, and nailed the rest. Along the way, I got distracted by other ideas for upcycled DIY outdoor (or indoor) furniture. You wouldn’t believe the creativity of our fellow thrifty gals out there in cyber space! A few more ideas now taking up real estate in my noggin:

• another bench idea, but this one made from 2-3 kitchen chairs, connected
• window seats made from cabinets
• nightstands out of stacked dresser drawers
• fire pits made from wine barrels
• tables and chairs made from pallets
• a porch swing made out of an old crib
• suitcases into end tables
• small entertainment centers transformed into children’s play kitchens
• take an old dresser drawer, add legs and a hinged and upholstered top, and you have an instant ottoman/footstool (with storage)
• ladders into bookshelves, or shelves for hanging bathroom towels on
• shutters turned into a bookcase
• a dresser becomes a doggy or kitty (or pot-bellied piggy) bed
• an overturned table becomes a bed, perfect for porch napping (you can buy memory foam cut to fit for your mattress)
• an aviary from an old television cabinet
• old microwave carts or small bookshelves become an outdoor bar station

You name it; some creative gal out there has done it! It might just be me … or you.

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 5,892 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—8,416 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ 

For this week’s Farm Kitchen/Self-Sufficiency Expert Level Merit Badge, I rummaged in the back of one of my least used kitchen cupboards. I was looking for something very specific … something underutilized … something I bought at a yard sale and then promptly forgot about …

It was right next to the yogurt maker, behind the wok, and next to the As Seen On TV! pasta machine. I saw it as soon as I set aside the vacuum sealer, the tortilla warmer, the Winnie the Pooh-shaped cake pan, and the Mr. Coffee maker with the missing pot. I resolved to stop appliance hoarding immediately. Then I reached for it:

My food dehydrator.

I blew off the dust *embarrassed blush* and repented of my past sins of never having dried anything in my life.

Other than my hair.

Or last year’s Thanksgiving turkey, but that was kinda an accident. Helpful hint from me to you: Celsius temperature is NOT the same and/or interchangeable with Fahrenheit. Learned that the hard way; can I get an Amen?

Anyway, to earn my Expert Level Merit Badge in Self-Sufficiency, I needed to learn to use this puppy. I cracked my knuckles, figuratively speaking, and put the pieces together (the dehydrator, not my knuckles). Luckily, it seemed rather easy to use, and I even had the original directions (thank you to the nice yard sale lady who was quite organized, and who also let me pay with the loose change from my glove compartment, if I recall correctly).

First up:

Beef jerky.

Photo by Severein via Wikimedia Commons

I hadn’t necessarily planned on starting with something so advanced sounding, but I had two freezer-burnt steaks staring at me with a reproving glare. I didn’t blame them. I hadn’t wrapped them properly, and now they were inedible. Normally, I am quite carnivorous, but I had my dinner menus all planned that day I bought them, and into the freezer they went for another time, and then I put several loaves of homemade bread over top of them and kind of forgot they were there, and … well, you get the point. It was a crime, but it is what it is, and I knew how to redeem myself.

Thanks to the existence of my food dehydrator, yes ma’am.

I patted my steaks in a reassuring fashion, and got to marinating. Here’s what I used:

Jerky Marinade (for two steaks):
several dashes of Worcestershire sauce
a couple shakes of tomato sauce or organic ketchup
2 t minced garlic
2 t brown sugar
2 t instant coffee granules
spices and herbs (whatever you have—I used salt and pepper, thyme, and tarragon)

I marinated my steaks for several hours in the refrigerator. Then I sliced them as thinly as could be, across the grain. Then I set my fan for 155 degrees and laid them all out on the trays. Your food dehydrator might be different, so follow the directions. In about 7 hours, I had the most delicious snack ever! I’m already soooo excited to try it again, this time with different seasonings. Honey maybe, or rosemary and garlic, how about a spicy one with chili flakes or a siracha marinade? Or a pork jerky that’s been taking a bath in apple cider? Yum. Don’t even get me started with turkey or salmon. Or actually, get me started! I’m all in with this stuff.

Next, since I was feeling so very confident and pleased with myself, I tackled some non-meat items. The best thing I think about drying fruits, veggies, and meats is how you can enjoy off-season foods all year round! I’ve even put dried fruit in my freezer so I can savor strawberries in the winter. My favorites so far? Well, I’m so glad you asked. Tune in next time, my little chickadees.