Author Archives: mbajane

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 5,892 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—8,416 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ 

For this week’s Farm Kitchen/Self-Sufficiency Expert Level Merit Badge, I rummaged in the back of one of my least used kitchen cupboards. I was looking for something very specific … something underutilized … something I bought at a yard sale and then promptly forgot about …

It was right next to the yogurt maker, behind the wok, and next to the As Seen On TV! pasta machine. I saw it as soon as I set aside the vacuum sealer, the tortilla warmer, the Winnie the Pooh-shaped cake pan, and the Mr. Coffee maker with the missing pot. I resolved to stop appliance hoarding immediately. Then I reached for it:

My food dehydrator.

I blew off the dust *embarrassed blush* and repented of my past sins of never having dried anything in my life.

Other than my hair.

Or last year’s Thanksgiving turkey, but that was kinda an accident. Helpful hint from me to you: Celsius temperature is NOT the same and/or interchangeable with Fahrenheit. Learned that the hard way; can I get an Amen?

Anyway, to earn my Expert Level Merit Badge in Self-Sufficiency, I needed to learn to use this puppy. I cracked my knuckles, figuratively speaking, and put the pieces together (the dehydrator, not my knuckles). Luckily, it seemed rather easy to use, and I even had the original directions (thank you to the nice yard sale lady who was quite organized, and who also let me pay with the loose change from my glove compartment, if I recall correctly).

First up:

Beef jerky.

Photo by Severein via Wikimedia Commons

I hadn’t necessarily planned on starting with something so advanced sounding, but I had two freezer-burnt steaks staring at me with a reproving glare. I didn’t blame them. I hadn’t wrapped them properly, and now they were inedible. Normally, I am quite carnivorous, but I had my dinner menus all planned that day I bought them, and into the freezer they went for another time, and then I put several loaves of homemade bread over top of them and kind of forgot they were there, and … well, you get the point. It was a crime, but it is what it is, and I knew how to redeem myself.

Thanks to the existence of my food dehydrator, yes ma’am.

I patted my steaks in a reassuring fashion, and got to marinating. Here’s what I used:

Jerky Marinade (for two steaks):
several dashes of Worcestershire sauce
a couple shakes of tomato sauce or organic ketchup
2 t minced garlic
2 t brown sugar
2 t instant coffee granules
spices and herbs (whatever you have—I used salt and pepper, thyme, and tarragon)

I marinated my steaks for several hours in the refrigerator. Then I sliced them as thinly as could be, across the grain. Then I set my fan for 155 degrees and laid them all out on the trays. Your food dehydrator might be different, so follow the directions. In about 7 hours, I had the most delicious snack ever! I’m already soooo excited to try it again, this time with different seasonings. Honey maybe, or rosemary and garlic, how about a spicy one with chili flakes or a siracha marinade? Or a pork jerky that’s been taking a bath in apple cider? Yum. Don’t even get me started with turkey or salmon. Or actually, get me started! I’m all in with this stuff.

Next, since I was feeling so very confident and pleased with myself, I tackled some non-meat items. The best thing I think about drying fruits, veggies, and meats is how you can enjoy off-season foods all year round! I’ve even put dried fruit in my freezer so I can savor strawberries in the winter. My favorites so far? Well, I’m so glad you asked. Tune in next time, my little chickadees.

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 5,892 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—8,416 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ 

For this week’s Cleaning Up/Going Green Expert Level Merit Badge, I was pretty happy with the way things were going around my house. Green? You betcha! Everywhere you looked, you could see the rewards and fruits of my labors. Not that it was too laborious; going green is easier than you might think.

My cleaners were homemade, my food was organic, my paint was non-toxic, and everything was looking tip top, ship shape, in Bristol fashion. *

*I may be watching a tad too much British telly lately. I mean, television.

There were only a couple items on my Expert Level Merit Badge that needed to be accomplished:

• a clothesline
• a lending library of any how-to books relating to going green
• spending some time at a friend’s house, helping her abode become more earth friendly

First off, it turned out that that weird-looking post in the ground in my backyard was not simply a place to tie your doggy when you needed to curb his wandering habits. Nope, it was a clothesline! Well, you could have knocked me over with feather. I knew it looked sorta familiar (must have seen one on a period piece on the telly). I got myself over to the hardware store immediately and purchased myself some clothespins (turns out they’re not just for crafts or for holding your chip bag closed. Ahem).

I was flabbergasted at how yummy my organic cotton sheets smelled after one morning in the sunshine! I am not kidding, my little honeybees, they were sweeter scented than anything Downey could ever bottle. I slept like a log that night. Chainsaw included, I admit sheepishly.

Next, I organized my little stack of books (and magazines) and let my friends and family know they were available for borrowing. Two weeks at a time, no renewals. Please fill out this little form, including credit card number, social security, and mother’s maiden name. What? So, I’m a little over-protective of my books … I can’t imagine why no one has visited Jane’s Lending Library yet. It’s a puzzle.

Anyway, after that (and after a short siesta on my floral bed of happiness), I wandered over to Midge’s house. I figured she needed some sprucing up in the ol’ green department, and boy, was I right. That doll is still stuck in the ’50s, let me tell you. Of course, it’s not strictly her fault; Mattel discontinued her in the ’60s. (Reproductions don’t count. My Midge could never be reproduced – pshaw!)

She was happy to let me do my thing, so to speak, and we spent a cheerful afternoon throwing out toxic cleansers and scrubs, letting the kids try out my homemade deodorant and toothpaste (good thing they’re organic and tummy friendly, cuz the youngest kept trying to eat them), and pulling out some nasty old carpet in the entryway. (Can you say, hardwood floors beneath? Blimey!)

At the end of our day, I had earned my newest badge, plus a sense of satisfaction and an even deeper friendship. A most excellent way to spend a day, indeed.

Pip pip, cheerio!

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 5,892 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—8,416 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ

For this week’s Each Other/Know Your Roots Expert Level Merit Badge, I continued where my Intermediate Level left off.

Right at the intersection of Mysterious and Secrets. At the corner of Suspicious and Questions. At the … well, you get my drift.

I was adrift at sea in an ocean of unanswered questions. Call me overly poetic and dramatic, but something was definitely up with my Grandma Barbie. First, she got all weird on me when I mentioned someone named Blaine, and then she hung up on me! Grandmas aren’t allowed to hang up on their granddaughters.

And now, of all the nerve, she is so totally avoiding my phone calls. Ever one step ahead from my ornery grandmother, I borrowed Midge’s phone and dialed the retirement home in Florida one more time.

Not recognizing the number, Grandma Barbie answered cheerfully. “Why, hello, Midge, darling! I’m so glad you called. Could you do me a favor and tell Jane I went away on a cruise or something?”

Me: “Gramma! You are in so much trouble!”

I hear the sound of the phone dropping. Then, “Oh dear. Dear, dear. Well, I always knew this day would come. Hang on, sweetie, I need to refresh my sweet tea if we’re going to go over family history.” I hear her gulp thirstily.

I drum my nails loudly into the speaker as a subtle hint. “You hung up on me, Gramma.”

G.B.: “Yes, I know, dear. I was just so surprised to hear you mention his name after all these years.”

Me: “Who? Blaine? This mysterious fellow from the Outback of Broken Hearts? This Australian Casanova? This …”

G.B.: “You’re being overly dramatic. Now stop getting your knickers in a twist, and I’ll tell you all about it.”

I wrinkle my nose. “Just the facts, ma’am.” The thought of my elderly grandmother getting cozy with anyone gives me a bad case of the no-thank-yous. “Who’s Blaine?”

G.B.: “Well, it was the summer your grandfather and I broke up. It was the late ’60s, you understand, and a time of free love and …”

Me: “BLECH! Get to the point, Grammy!”

G.B.: “Don’t sass me, young lady. Where was I?”

Me: “Making my stomach knot with unnecessary mind pictures.”

G.B.: “Right. Well, anyway, Ken disappeared that year and Blaine was introduced. He was my friend, Summer’s, brother. Remember Summer?”

Me: “Blue hair? Bad driver?”

G.B.: “Well, not back then, but yes. Blaine and I went together for a while. It was a wild time. He was very sweet.”

Me: “Well? And what happened then?”

G.B.: “Well, nothing really. We broke up because Ken came back. Midge started dating Alan. Skipper and Stacie took up a lot of my time. The rest is history.”

Me: “That’s it? Why’d you hang up on me? I thought you were going to reveal some big family secret!”

Grandma laughs. “Oh, Janie, you always were such a worry wart. Now stop poking your nose into my love life, and get crackin’ on yours. Okay, darling?”

I frown. Trust Gramma to spin the situation around. “Okay. But …”

G.B.: “Oh dear, sounds like there’s a bad connection again! Ffklj! Kklmnw?”

Me: “Gramma, you’re just putting your hand over the mouthpiece and making funny noises again, aren’t you?”

G.B.: “Lmeoico? Ajfft!”

Click.

Some critics have called my Grandmother a dumb blonde, but I’m telling you … she’s tricked them all. That woman is deep.

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 5,892 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—8,416 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ 

For this week’s Each Other/Know Your Roots Intermediate Level Merit Badge, I combed the National Archives, Ancestry.com, my local library, and the depths of my Grandma Barbie’s brain for some interesting and little-known facts/anecdotes/stories about me and mine. It turns out (as projects like this tend to do, my chickadees) that what I didn’t know about me could fill a book.

Strange, no? You’d think I’d be an expert on my family’s history, but it seems I paid about as much attention during holiday dinners reminiscing as I did in Mr. Potter’s fifth-grade history class. So basically, I know my own birthday and the year the Civil War started. I think. (Don’t quiz me. I get all twitchy and clammy when there’s a test coming.)

Finding your roots these days isn’t as difficult as it used to be. Thanks to the ol’ worldwide web thingamabobby, you can get started with something as simple as your mother’s maiden name and birth date, and lo and behold, all sorts of data will practically fall into your lap(top). And once you start? Well, it’s like homemade, organic, sea-salted kettle chips, ladies. It’s hard to stop at just one.

First of all, I opened up my grandma’s box of scrapbooks. Grandma Barbie is a hoarder collector of the finest degree. She saves everything from carefully folded tissue paper to twist ties to greeting cards to wedding invites to baby announcements to high-school-graduation programs to … well, you name it, she has it pasted into a scrapbook somewhere. And then she puts that scrapbook into a box. And then she mails me that box.

Thanks, Grandma.

*sigh*

Anyway, I figured there was more info there I could possibly need for one little ol’ merit badge, and I was correct. I decided to get her on the phone and see if she could possibly whittle down some of our basic family history into something more condensed.

Say, like Tolstoy lengths.

What follows is a transcription of our conversation. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Me: “Grammy! It’s me, your favorite granddaughter in all the land!”

G.B.: “Stacie?”

Me: “Haha, Grandma.”

G.B.: “Tutti?”

Me: “Very funny. It’s me, Jane.”

G.B.: “Oh, I know, honey, I just like pulling your leg. You’ve always been so flexible and bendy.”

Me: “Yes, well, I get it from you. Now, I was going through some old eh, priceless family heirlooms, and had some questions about my family tree. Are you ready?”

G.B.: “Shoot.”

Me: silence. “Pardon me?”

G.B.: “Shoot! Fire away! Proceed!”

Me, thinking the old-time expressions to be very odd indeed, hurried forward (Isn’t there a badge for learning another language? Does grandparent-speak count as an ancient language?): “Well, I was wondering about this Blaine fellow, first off.”

I hear Grandma coughing suddenly on the other end. “What’s that? I can’t hear you, sweetie! I think we have a bad connection!”

Me, suspiciously: “The connection is fine, Grammy. Now, as I was saying. I found these very interesting love letters to you, postmarked from Australia …”

Garbled, incoherent noises fill my ear, and also what sounds like a really bad imitation of static sounds. Then … click!

What in the name of torrid Australian love affairs have I stumbled upon?

Interesting facts about George are as follows, in no particular order other than their fascinating-ness:

• Born in 1898 in Brooklyn, New York to Russian immigrant parents, Morris and Rosa
• Real name? Jakob Gershowitz
• You may have heard of his famous brother, Ira (Morris and Rosa must have been proud!)
• George quit school at age 15 and took a job as a pianist for a publisher on Tin Pan Alley
• His first hit was “Swanee” (1918)
• In 1936 George was commissioned by RKO Pictures to write the score for the movie, Shall We Dance? with Fred Astaire (ahhh, even swoony-er) and Ginger Rogers
• George died at the young age of 38, following a brain operation
• Some of George (and Ira’s) most loved hits, songs, and musicals are Porgy and Bess, Rhapsody in Blue, An American in Paris, Funny Face, Someone to Watch Over Me, Our Love is Here to Stay, Lady Be Good, and Nice Work If You Can Get It.

And you are welcome for getting some fabulous melodies stuck in your noggin!

My musician?

Steve Martin

• Steve was born in 1945 in Waco, TX
• As a teenager he performed magic tricks and sold guide books at Disneyland and Knotts Berry Farm (I bet he was one entertaining adolescent, don’t you?)
• He was a writer for the Sonny and Cher Show (’72-’73) but found instant stardom when he guest hosted an episode of Saturday Night Live in ’77.
• Steve became a famous actor, writer, and comedian, but how many know of his musical talents? (Other than playing the demented dentist in Little Shop of Horrors, I mean).
• Steve first picked up the banjo when he was around 17 years of age. He has claimed in several interviews and in his autobiography, “Born Standing Up”, that he used to take 33rpm bluegrass records and slow them down to 16 rpm, all while tuning his banjo down, so the notes would sound the same. Steve was able to pick out each note, and perfect his playing.
• The banjo was a staple in Steve’s stand-up shows and even on his comedy albums. In fact, turn over his last comedy album, The Steve Martin Brothers, (1981) and you’ll hear Steve playing banjo with a bluegrass band.
• In 2001, he really got groovin’, and won Best Country Instrumental Performance at the Grammy Awards in 2002.
• He then won another Grammy in 2010 for Best Bluegrass Album.
• Steve has performed with The Nitty Gritty Dirt Band, the Steep Canyon Rangers, Edie Brickell, and Dolly Parton, and has been on the Grand Ol’ Opry and A Prairie Home Companion, not to mention on lots of television appearances and on tour.
• In 2010, Steve created the Steve Martin Prize for Excellence in Banjo and Bluegrass, an award established to reward artistry and bring greater visibility to bluegrass performers. The prize includes a $50,000 cash award, a bronze sculpture, and a chance to perform with Martin on the Late Show With David Letterman.

What a couple of amazing guys, huh? Makes me want to brush off the ol’ musical instrument and get to making some sweeeeet music … or is that the Expert Level Badge? I hear it calling me: it sounds like a banjo playing Lady Be Good.

I’ve always wanted a theme song.

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 5,843 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—8,286 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ

For this week’s Make it Easy/Music Intermediate Level Merit Badge, I had the nifty task of researching one composer and one musician from the last one hundred years. I’ve always liked research (at least when the subject matter is interesting and exciting) and it makes me feel like a scholarly detective.

Gumshoe.

An intrepid investigator of the studious type.

That’s me!

Call me old-fashioned, but I still like cracking open the ol’ books to do my detective-ing. I know, I know: Jane, you say, the whole world is at your fingertips and your laptop! Google knows everything about everyone and you never have to leave your house or change out of your pajamas.

Normally the thought of staying in my PJs most of the day is intriguing, but with Spring upon us, I love myself a good walk to the library. So off I went, spy glass and Deerstalker hat in hand (I mean, head). No, not for stalking deer, sillies – it’s what Sherlock Holmes wears, don’tcha know?

I already had my musician in mind, but narrowing down my composers was like picking my favorite child (or my favorite ice cream). Nearly impossible and dependent upon on my mood at the moment. But detectives are nothing if not ruthless and able to keep their emotions in check, so I straightened my hat and chose … drum roll, puhleeze …

George Gershwin

Want to learn what I found out about this amazing composer? Wondering who I chose to be my musician? Read on, little chickadees, read on … tomorrow.

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 5,843 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—8,286 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ

For this week’s Cleaning Up/Shopping Green Intermediate Level Merit Badge, I threw out the last of my toxic, scary, chemical laden (but “naturally fresh,” of course … pshaw!) cleaners out of the bottom of my cupboard.

It felt good.

Really good.

A couple of the spray bottles weren’t too bad, in terms of shape and size, so I rinsed them out thoroughly and decided to keep and reuse them.

Next: I filled a couple of too-cute baskets (one for the kitchen and one for the bathroom) with a few Mason jars, a squirt bottle or two, and those recycled spray bottles. And after that, I filled those bad boys with the following:

Homemade Soft Scrub (great for countertops and sinks and tubs)

• 3/4 cup baking soda
• 1/4 Castile soap
• 2 T water

Mix together and store in lidded container of your choice. 

DIY Dishwasher Detergent

• 1 cup Borax
• 1 cup washing soda
• 1/4 Epsom salt
• lemon juice

Mix the powders, then drizzle in lemon juice until soft and sticky. Spoon into ice-cube trays and sit on your windowsill to harden. Use 1 cube per load. 

Homemade Dryer Sachets

• small muslin bag (think large tea-bag size)
• 1/2 cup baking soda
• 1/8 cup arrowroot powder
• handful of lavender and rosemary from the garden
• a few drops of essential oil (lavender and/or rosemary if you like themes)

Mix the powders and herbs; drop in the oil(s). Tie up your sachet and toss in the dryer. (Or in your hubby’s stinky sock drawer. Or in your teen’s smelly closet. Or toss them at your doggy when he’s feeling particularly odiferous.)  

DIY Countertop Wipes

• 4 old t-shirts that you’ve been meaning to throw out anyway, cut into squares the size of baby wipes (you’ll end up with about 8 per shirt)
• 1 cup water
• 1/4 cup rubbing alcohol
• 2 T dish soap

Mix water, alcohol, and dish soap and pour over squares. Store in a sealed container (a recycled wipes container works well, but a clear glass canister is prettier, IMO).  

Citrus Enzyme Cleanser

• 2-liter bottle (Something that can be shook up. I know we’re all about things other than icky plastic ‘round these parts, but I gotta say, a recycled liter water bottle works well.)
• 1/2 cup brown sugar
• 1 t yeast (This speeds up the process, but you can leave it out. It will take 3 months to be ready, instead of two weeks, though.)
• 1 liter water
• 2 cups citrus peels (I used grapefruit)

Combine all ingredients in bottle and shake thoroughly (sing a little Carmen Miranda while you’re at it). Shake once per day for two weeks (leaving the cap a bit loose—we’re playing with fermentation here, gals). To use, mix 1 cup cleaner with 1 liter water. This wonder stuff works on everything from mopping your floor to cleaning your toilet to spot-treating laundry to fertilizing your plants to an all-natural drain cleaner to your very own insect repellent. It may even alphabetize your bookshelf and make you dinner if you ask nicely.

I lovingly arranged all my new beauties, labeled them, and set each basket under the sink. Toxic free, sparkling clean home!

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 5,843 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—8,286 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ

For this week’s Farm Kitchen/BakeOver MakeOver Intermediate Level Merit Badge, I was nervously pacing the length of my kitchen.

Back and forth.

Back and forth.

Forth and back.

To and fro.

Fro and to.

Forth and fro.

Etc, etc.

The source of my anxiety was this: Coming up with two new recipes/ideas for BakeOvers and then presenting them to YOU. Now I’m a creative gal, certainly, but sometimes my kitchen experiments become kitchen disasters right before my terrified eyes. Not wanting to poison anyone, I took my time with these delectable, delicious, divine, and distinctly different makeovers. Drum roll, please.

Biscuits & Gravy (BakeOver Style)

Preheat oven to 400°F. In your most favorite cast-iron skillet, brown up 1 pound of organic breakfast sausage. (Mr. Wonderful and I really like the spicy variety. It adds some kick. And also some romance, due to the spicy lips.) Drain any excess grease. Add 3–4 T flour; stir for about 2 minutes. Slowly add 1 cup half-n-half and 1 1/2 cups milk. Heat until thickened. Season. (I like lots of pepper. Again, spicy lips make for excellent smooching.) Layer biscuits made with Organic Budget Mix^® All-Purpose Original Baking Mix on top. Bake at 400°F until bubbly and brown, about 20–25 minutes.

Pile on plates.

Eat happily.

Smooch.

Honey Fig Crostatas (tarts)

On a lightly floured surface, roll out a Organic Budget Mix^® All-Purpose Original Baking Mix BakeOver crust to 1/8″ thick. Cut out eight 5″ rounds, rerolling the scraps if necessary; transfer to a parchment paper–lined baking sheet and refrigerate for 30 minutes.

In a bowl, toss 1 lb of green and purple figs, cut into wedges, with 3 t honey, 1 t fresh lemon juice, 1 t fresh thyme leaves, and a pinch of salt. Arrange the figs on the dough rounds, leaving 1/2″ border all around. Fold the edges over the figs and brush the dough with an egg wash. Chill for 30 minutes. Meanwhile, preheat oven to 375°F. Bake crostatas for 35 minutes, rotating halfway through baking, until crusts are golden. Let stand for 10 minutes.

Gently toss another 1/2 lb figs, cut into wedges, with 2 t honey. Transfer crostatas to plates, top with the figs and another 1 t fresh thyme leaves, and serve.

If you don’t have figs (or don’t like them), try using apricots or plums. Crostatas are are fun and easy, and they have endless varieties. Plus, you’ll really feel fancy—even when they drip hot juice down your chin because you can’t wait an appropriate time for them to cool off before devouring.

Or is that just me?

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 5,788 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—8,160 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ

For this week’s Stitching and Crafting/Embroidery Intermediate Level Merit Badge, I got out my luffly collection of rainbow-hued embroidery floss (which reminds me: make a dentist appointment asap). They had been lovingly arranged, according to color and hue and alphabetically, but then I babysat Midge’s triplets.

And they were really into making friendship bracelets.

Let’s just say, they are not as OCD-ish as their Auntie Jane, and they oh-so totally rearranged my skeins. I tried to control my shudders and wails and learned to appreciate chartreuse being next to charcoal, and apricot cuddling up with turquoise.

And I gotta say, burgundy really makes ballet pink pop.

After I spent upteen hours (or at least it felt like that many) untangling my threads and tucking them back into their box where they belonged, I got out my tea towels.

Seven.

Hey, guess what? Guess what else there are seven of?

No, not deadly sins. Sheesh, you gals are jumping to morbid conclusions today! Who’d want to embroider those?

No, no, seven days in the week, of course! Ah, those childhood days of wondering if it was Tuesday or Wednesday, and recalling we could just take a quick peek at our socks or undies … nostalgia. I could really use a few pairs of those these days, as I am … getting a wee bit older. I could also use something with my friends’ and family’s birthdays printed on. Maybe a belt? Scarves with grocery reminders printed on the hem? No? Too weird? Okay, back to Days of the Week Tea Towels then.

(But if you forget your mom’s birthday due to lack of reminder clothing, don’t come fretting to me.)

First, I washed and dried my towels. Next, I found my embroidery hoop, which had been doing double duty as a picture frame. Then, I printed my designs onto my towels. You know what’s super-nifty these days, chickadees? Some printers will work on fabric. I know! It’s amazing the things you can put through a high-quality printer: brown paper bags (cute for anything you want to look extra “vintage-y”), lightweight fabric, wrapping paper … the possibilities are endless. Well, maybe not endless: I don’t recommend anything edible or anything of the feline variety, despite the fact that my cat is obsessed with snuggling with my printer. Don’t even get me started on my pup’s love affair with the vacuum. Your pets may be slightly less odd, in which case, moving right along …

My towels at the ready, I lined up the rest of my arsenal for an afternoon of embroidery: a tall glass of iced tea, several cookies (frosting free … trust me: fine needlework and buttercream don’t mix) and my favorite miniseries, Anne of Green Gables. If you’re anything like me, you watch your favorite movies or shows according to what you’re doing: sewing goes with Anne Shirley for me, just like Austen films go with painting, and Jane Eyre is perfect for baking. There’s no rhyme or reason, it just works. Try it. You’ll see.

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 5,788 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—8,160 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ

For this week’s Farm Kitchen/Self-Sufficiency Intermediate Level Merit Badge, I got out my beloved collection of Mason and Bell jars. Why, you may ask?

Are you crafting, Jane?

Making a chandelier?

Organizing your buttons?

Filling them with homemade bath salts?

Giving DIY brownie mixes away to the neighbors?

Well, I could be (and I do, because let’s face it, these purty glass jars have endless possibilities), but no. I am actually—gasp!—using them for what they were intended for: canning.

I know.

Shocking.

First up: spaghetti sauce. Yum! Who doesn’t love a big bowl of noodles, covered in marinara? Gosh, you could even skip the noodles part and eat a big bowl of marinara.

Call it Italian Stew. Who’s with me, farmgirls?

Anyway, though, for my most favoritest spaghetti sauce in all the land, I called up Gramma Barbie. Her newest Chihuahua, Puddles (a name she found endearing, but which turned out to be oddly prophetic), was making a real ruckus in the background, so I hope I got it right.

Gramma B’s Sketti Sauce

• Brown 1 lb ground meat of your choice with several cloves of minced garlic and 2 T of anise or fennel seeds that have been ground in a coffee grinder.
• Add a big pinch of oregano and two big pinches of basil, and whatever leftover wine you have opened in the fridge (even sweet wines work well).
• Add 1 can each of organic diced tomatoes, tomato sauce, and tomato paste, plus 2 cans of water.
• Simmer, along with a nice big beef bone if you have one (if not, add a couple teaspoons of brown sugar for some sweetness and depth).
• Taste and adjust seasonings. Can according to your canning equipment’s instructions.

My fingers licked and my tummy happy (hey, somebody had to lick the bowl), I moved right along to my next feat of gastronomical genius. (Don’t you enjoy my humility? I know I do.)

Pickled Jalapeños

• 8 jalapeños, sliced (For spicy, leave the seeds; for very mild, remove them. I suggest gloves. Little life lesson from moi to you.)
• 1/2 cup soy sauce
• 3 garlic cloves, sliced paper thin
• 3/4 cup rice vinegar
• 3 T granulated sugar
• 2 T fresh lime juice (from 1 lime)
• 1 T fresh lemon juice (from about 1/2 lemon)
• 1/4 cup lemon-lime soda, like Hansen Blue Sky Lemon-Lime
•  In a small saucepan over medium heat, bring the soy sauce, garlic, vinegar, and sugar to a gentle boil and let it bubble for a few minutes. Remove from heat. Add the citrus juices and soda and let cool until no longer piping hot, about 5 minutes.
• Pour the warm soy mixture over the jalapeños. Tightly seal the jar with the lid. Immediately refrigerate the pickled jalapeño peppers for at least 1 day and up to 2 weeks if you don’t complete the canning process, or follow the directions for canning for a longer-lasting treat.