Author Archives: mbajane

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 5,788 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—8,160 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ

For this week’s Stitching and Crafting/Embroidery Intermediate Level Merit Badge, I got out my luffly collection of rainbow-hued embroidery floss (which reminds me: make a dentist appointment asap). They had been lovingly arranged, according to color and hue and alphabetically, but then I babysat Midge’s triplets.

And they were really into making friendship bracelets.

Let’s just say, they are not as OCD-ish as their Auntie Jane, and they oh-so totally rearranged my skeins. I tried to control my shudders and wails and learned to appreciate chartreuse being next to charcoal, and apricot cuddling up with turquoise.

And I gotta say, burgundy really makes ballet pink pop.

After I spent upteen hours (or at least it felt like that many) untangling my threads and tucking them back into their box where they belonged, I got out my tea towels.

Seven.

Hey, guess what? Guess what else there are seven of?

No, not deadly sins. Sheesh, you gals are jumping to morbid conclusions today! Who’d want to embroider those?

No, no, seven days in the week, of course! Ah, those childhood days of wondering if it was Tuesday or Wednesday, and recalling we could just take a quick peek at our socks or undies … nostalgia. I could really use a few pairs of those these days, as I am … getting a wee bit older. I could also use something with my friends’ and family’s birthdays printed on. Maybe a belt? Scarves with grocery reminders printed on the hem? No? Too weird? Okay, back to Days of the Week Tea Towels then.

(But if you forget your mom’s birthday due to lack of reminder clothing, don’t come fretting to me.)

First, I washed and dried my towels. Next, I found my embroidery hoop, which had been doing double duty as a picture frame. Then, I printed my designs onto my towels. You know what’s super-nifty these days, chickadees? Some printers will work on fabric. I know! It’s amazing the things you can put through a high-quality printer: brown paper bags (cute for anything you want to look extra “vintage-y”), lightweight fabric, wrapping paper … the possibilities are endless. Well, maybe not endless: I don’t recommend anything edible or anything of the feline variety, despite the fact that my cat is obsessed with snuggling with my printer. Don’t even get me started on my pup’s love affair with the vacuum. Your pets may be slightly less odd, in which case, moving right along …

My towels at the ready, I lined up the rest of my arsenal for an afternoon of embroidery: a tall glass of iced tea, several cookies (frosting free … trust me: fine needlework and buttercream don’t mix) and my favorite miniseries, Anne of Green Gables. If you’re anything like me, you watch your favorite movies or shows according to what you’re doing: sewing goes with Anne Shirley for me, just like Austen films go with painting, and Jane Eyre is perfect for baking. There’s no rhyme or reason, it just works. Try it. You’ll see.

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 5,788 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—8,160 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ

For this week’s Farm Kitchen/Self-Sufficiency Intermediate Level Merit Badge, I got out my beloved collection of Mason and Bell jars. Why, you may ask?

Are you crafting, Jane?

Making a chandelier?

Organizing your buttons?

Filling them with homemade bath salts?

Giving DIY brownie mixes away to the neighbors?

Well, I could be (and I do, because let’s face it, these purty glass jars have endless possibilities), but no. I am actually—gasp!—using them for what they were intended for: canning.

I know.

Shocking.

First up: spaghetti sauce. Yum! Who doesn’t love a big bowl of noodles, covered in marinara? Gosh, you could even skip the noodles part and eat a big bowl of marinara.

Call it Italian Stew. Who’s with me, farmgirls?

Anyway, though, for my most favoritest spaghetti sauce in all the land, I called up Gramma Barbie. Her newest Chihuahua, Puddles (a name she found endearing, but which turned out to be oddly prophetic), was making a real ruckus in the background, so I hope I got it right.

Gramma B’s Sketti Sauce

• Brown 1 lb ground meat of your choice with several cloves of minced garlic and 2 T of anise or fennel seeds that have been ground in a coffee grinder.
• Add a big pinch of oregano and two big pinches of basil, and whatever leftover wine you have opened in the fridge (even sweet wines work well).
• Add 1 can each of organic diced tomatoes, tomato sauce, and tomato paste, plus 2 cans of water.
• Simmer, along with a nice big beef bone if you have one (if not, add a couple teaspoons of brown sugar for some sweetness and depth).
• Taste and adjust seasonings. Can according to your canning equipment’s instructions.

My fingers licked and my tummy happy (hey, somebody had to lick the bowl), I moved right along to my next feat of gastronomical genius. (Don’t you enjoy my humility? I know I do.)

Pickled Jalapeños

• 8 jalapeños, sliced (For spicy, leave the seeds; for very mild, remove them. I suggest gloves. Little life lesson from moi to you.)
• 1/2 cup soy sauce
• 3 garlic cloves, sliced paper thin
• 3/4 cup rice vinegar
• 3 T granulated sugar
• 2 T fresh lime juice (from 1 lime)
• 1 T fresh lemon juice (from about 1/2 lemon)
• 1/4 cup lemon-lime soda, like Hansen Blue Sky Lemon-Lime
•  In a small saucepan over medium heat, bring the soy sauce, garlic, vinegar, and sugar to a gentle boil and let it bubble for a few minutes. Remove from heat. Add the citrus juices and soda and let cool until no longer piping hot, about 5 minutes.
• Pour the warm soy mixture over the jalapeños. Tightly seal the jar with the lid. Immediately refrigerate the pickled jalapeño peppers for at least 1 day and up to 2 weeks if you don’t complete the canning process, or follow the directions for canning for a longer-lasting treat.

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 5,730 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—8,037 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ

For this week’s Cleaning Up/My Fair Farmgirl Expert Level Merit Badge, I decided to focus on one area of moi: my tresses. Those locks of love. My bonny curls. And if it’s first thing in the morning: the birds’ nest atop my noggin.

Being a girly girl, I confess to being tantalized, enraptured, besotted, and smitten with all things hair. Straighteners, curlers, potions, goos, goops, lotions, gels, shampoos, cream rinses, mousses, sprays, leave-ins, detanglers, creams, conditioners …  you name it, this farmgirl has tried it at one point or another. But could it be that all my smoothing and frizzing and combing and rinsing was actually damaging my hair instead of helping it?

I took a look at the ingredients on the back of my favorite shampoo and conditioner and momentarily thought I was attempting to read a different language. Gaelic perhaps? Elfish? Klingon? Baffled and saddened by the knowledge that my “natural” almond conditioner had less almonds and more synthetic ingredients than I could shake a stick at, I tried my hand at creating my own.

The result? Shiny, happy hair that smells delish, a less cluttered shower, and a happier Earth, if I do say so myself.

Brown Sugar Cookie Shampoo Scrub

• 4 T organic brown sugar
• 2 T coconut oil or shea butter
• 1 T local honey

Use to stimulate and clean scalp: massage thoroughly and rinse well.

Apple Cider Rinse

• organic apple cider vinegar
• water

Keep in a bottle in your shower and use generously to add shine to your hair.

Marshmallow Detangler

• 1 cup water
• 1/4 marshmallow root
• 1 T apple cider vinegar
• 1 T oil (coconut, olive, or jojoba)
• 5-10 drops essential oil, like lavender

Boil the water and steep the marshmallow root (as if you were making tea). Strain through a cheesecloth and add your other ingredients. Keep in spray bottle.

Herbal Hair Rinses
Ingredients (pick the ones that fit what you need):
Catnip: Promotes healthy hair growth.
Chamomile: Softens hair, soothes the scalp, lightens, and conditions (use it with honey to bring out natural highlights). Chamomile is also known to stimulate growth.
Horsetail: Helps brittle hair due to its high silica content.
Lavender: Stimulates hair growth.
Nettle: Conditions; improves texture; and helps with dandruff, irritated scalp, and dry scalp
Parsley: Enriches hair color and gives a nice luster.
Plantain: Great for dry, irritated scalp; dandruff; and seborrhea.
Peppermint: Stimulates the scalp.
Rosemary: Acts as a tonic and conditioner, one of the best herbs to use, gives luster and body, stimulates growth, helps with dandruff, and brings out dark highlights in the hair.
Sage: Very effective in restoring color to graying hair; excellent for weak, brittle hair.
Saw Palmetto: Good for thinning hair and hair loss.
Thyme: Good for oily hair and dandruff.
Witch Hazel: Cleanses hair.

Directions:
After you’ve decided which herb(s) will get the job done for your type of hair, follow the steps below:

1. Place the herb(s) in a pitcher (glass is ideal).
2. Pour boiling water over the herb(s), cover, and steep for 10-20 minutes.
3. Strain the mixture and allow the liquid to cool.
4. Pour over your head after your regular shampoo, condition, and detangling session. Do not rinse.

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 5,730 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—8,037 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ

For this week’s Cleaning Up/My Fair Farmgirl Intermediate Level Merit Badge, I went where none of us like to go.

Under my arms.

Yep, it was the pits under there.

Ha! Get it? The pits?

Hello? Is this thing on?

Well, anyway, I had been hearing lots of claims, stories, rumors, etc., about the dangers of deodorant.

I know, I know, what kind of a world do we live in where we even have to fear anti-perspirant? It’s a travesty.

But in all honesty, my farmgirl peeps, I was plugging my ears and not listening in a distinctly rebellious fashion.

La la la! I can’t hear youuuuuuuuuuu!

Like that. Only with less maturity (if possible).

You see, I’m a fan of smelling nice. I’m a fan of others smelling nice.

I am NOT a fan of body odor run amuck.

And even though the whispers were getting louder, I was still skeptical. Yeah sure, I thought, I’m all for hippy-dippy, granola loving, tree hugging, au naturale type living, but we gotta draw the line somewhere. And that line for me was the one you get from your stick of perfumed chemicals on your black t-shirt (hey, at least you know you remembered to apply it, right?)

But finally, I took my fingers out of my ears and decided to give it a go. What would be the worst that could happen? We were about to find out …

Sweet Orange and Mint Deodorant

1/3 c baking soda
1/3 c cornstarch or arrowroot powder
6 T coconut oil

Essential oil (I used sweet orange oil + tea tree oil, for their yummy smell + natural antifungal/antibacterial properties. You could also try lavender, rosemary, eucalyptus, almond … Mix it up!)

Combine your cornstarch and baking soda first. Mix with all your other ingredients and place into a small glass jar to store. Remember with your essential oils that the scent will lessen a bit when your mixture comes to room temperature, so don’t be afraid if it smells a little strong at first.

And now, the customizations:

• Add more coconut oil (or a bit of shea butter, or the insides of a vitamin E capsule) if you need extra moisture/smoothing from your deodorant.
• Decrease the ratio of baking soda/tea tree oil if you have sensitive skin.
• Once you’ve applied your deodorant, pat a little cornstarch on top of your underarm to ‘set’ things—this also helps with long-term lessening of underarm pigmentation (who knew).

Well? The verdict? No one has pinched their nostrils shut with clothespins around me; I don’t have a white mess on my favorite shirt; I’ve lowered my risk of breast cancer and Alzheimer’s; and I think I may be in love. Plus, my underarms are baby soft, smooth, and irritation free.

Yay!

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 5,730 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—8,037 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ

For this week’s Garden Gate/Birds Intermediate Level Merit Badge, I was inspired by a few different things:

Pinterest,

the stash of freebies I’ve collected from tag sales, curbs, and craigslist,

and our fine, feathered friends.

Now that the weather outside isn’t so frightful, I’ve been longing for more time out in my garden. And with that longing comes an intense need to decorate. I’m sure you’re familiar with the emotion; it’s usually what hits us after an afternoon of weeding or planting, or just lounging on your favorite porch swing. Pillows, you think. Or a DIY walkway. Or an arch over that spot of begonias. Or perhaps more twinkle lights? There’s always room for more twinkle lights, let’s be honest.

And while making your garden or lawn the cutest on the block, you can also make some winged creatures pretty happy (and well hydrated, to boot). After all, I don’t know exactly how much energy it takes to fly, but I’m guessing it’s more than your average stroll through the park. So … properly hydrated fowl and an adorable way to decorate? Two birds with one stone! Ha! I love it when I get a bit punny during merit badge time.

I lugged out my collection of things that needed some TLC.

MBA Jane’s DIY with TLC, that’s me.

Inspired by the creative muse that resided within me (and several Pinterest tutorials), I lined up my eclectic collection. Turns out, making bird baths or bird houses is limited only by your own imagination. You can use everything AND the kitchen sink! My kitchen sink was currently at work in the kitchen (I know, how mundane of me), but I did have other options, including:

• two teapots with broken and/or missing lids
• several teacups with chipped saucers
• cereal bowls from the dollar store
• a large silver ladle
• a few old license plates from other states
• a bundt pan
• a lighting sconce
• some candlesticks that weren’t a matched set
• a plant stand
• clay pots
• a broken, but sweet-looking decorative water fountain

Also, I had: Gorilla glue, hammers and nails, and several half-full containers of spray paint in a lovely shade of Robin’s Egg Blue (appropriate, no?)

My whimsy and imagination took hold. I like to think blue jays and sparrows and hummingbirds flew around, alighting on my shoulder as I worked, singing with me like a Disney princess, but I’m pretty sure it was just me. No matter—after they see what I’ve done with the place, they’ll be back and they’ll tell their friends. I’ll be the busiest bird hotel and spa in town. I considered hanging a Vacancy/No Vacancy sign up on my cutest mini house: a three-level Victorian, made out of my leftover roof shingles. I contented myself with washing up in my newest bath (made from the candlesticks and bundt pan) and straightened my second favorite bird house (a tipped over teapot hanging from the branches) before going inside my own home.

The birds in my neighborhood have it made in the shade.

I hope they like spending time there as much as I do.

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 5,730 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—8,037 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ

Wondering who I am? I’m Merit Badge Awardee Jane (MBA Jane for short). In my former life …  

For this week’s Cleaning Up/My Fair Farmgirl Beginning Level Merit Badge, I was wooed by the idea of au naturale beauty products.

I mean, come on. I’m a girl. A girly girl. One who loves a good facial, mani and pedi, and something flowery to spritz. But I’m also a farmgirl. One who loves to get her nails dirty, shops organic, and has even been known to go without shampooing. It’s a thing. A no ‘poo thing.

So what’s a girly farmgirl to do?

I’m so glad you asked.

Turns out the two aren’t mutually exclusive, after all. I can have my fuchsia-painted nails with a little farm dirt underneath, you might say. So this badge? This badge was the cat’s pajamas to earn.

Is it possible to earn more than one Beginning Level badge? No? Alas. Never mind, this is a badge that sticks and I think I’ll be making my own beauty products from here on out.

Here are a couple favorites for you beauties to try (synthetic-, paraban-, sulfate-, color-, cruelty-, preservative-, and chemical-free, naturally! Get it? Naturally? LOL!)

Chocolate Cream Face Mask

• 1/3 cup cocoa (fair trade)
• 1/4 cup honey (local)
• 2 T heavy cream or sour cream (organic)
• 3 T oatmeal powder*

Using a small bowl and spoon or spatula, mix all ingredients until well combined.

Gently massage into skin. Allow to stay (to get to know one another) for 15–20 minutes. Rinse. This mask doesn’t keep well, so it’s best to make it right before you want to use it, and invite a couple friends to share it that day.

*If you don’t have oatmeal powder, simply use Old Fashioned Oats and pulse in a food processor.

Fennel Toner

You’ll need:

• 2 raw fennel bulbs (organic, if you can) puréed
• 2 sprigs of fresh thyme (from your garden … or your neighbor’s garden)
• Water (filtered)
• Juice of half a lemon (once again—you guessed it—organic)

Bring the puréed fennel, thyme, and enough water to make it liquidy (1/4 to 1/2 cup) to a boil in a saucepan. Turn off the heat, add the lemon juice, and let it steep for 15 minutes. Strain out solids and transfer to a covered jar and let cool. Apply with a cotton ball under the eyes. Do not rinse.

Oil Cleansing Method for Your Pretty Face

• a small jar or squeeze bottle
• fill with 3/4 cup organic olive oil
• top with 1/4 cup castor oil (found in the laxative section of your drug store) Use slightly more if you have oily skin. Castor oil is surprisingly drying!
• a few drops of your favorite odiferous oil (like Sweet Almond, or Orange, or Almond)

Shake well. To cleanse, rub a dime-sized amount over face. Even over eyelids—it won’t sting! Massage in. Place a very hot washcloth over your face for a moment. This will steam and unclog your pores. Use a washcloth to gently wipe away excess oil. Removes make up like a dream and leaves you feeling fresh and pretty and soft! And don’t fret: I know it may seem weird to cleanse your face with oil, but once you try, you’ll never go back to those chemical-laced facial washes again. Even oily skin needs good oils, so don’t be afraid!

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 5,730 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—8,037 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ

For this week’s Outpost/”Out There Women” Intermediate Level Merit Badge, I decided to take advantage of some unseasonably warm, late-winter weather and get prepared for glamping season. That’s right: Practice makes perfect, my farm chickadees, and camping (or glamping) is no exception. I was going to be fully ready and organized when spring came, and for me, that readiness starts with food.

Let’s be honest, most things start with food for me.

And end with it, too.

And it’s definitely present and accounted for in the middle, as well.

With my backyard all lovely and fully prepared for outdoor parties, garden soirees, or just a little alone time with Yours Truly and a glass of vino and a good book, I was all set up for some campfire meal practice. To earn my Intermediate Level Badge, I was going to make up some yummy pemmican, and then cook a full day’s meal (appetizer, dinner, and dessert) over an open flame.

Some would say I’ve been known to cook over an open flame in my own kitchen, but I don’t find that very funny. That was just one time. And I put the flames out quite quickly, thank you very much.

Anyway, the pemmican (an old-fashioned ancestor of the good old granola bar) was easy peasy to make up, and I have to say, having a great snack in my back pocket, so to speak, was good for my peace of mind in case my camp meal didn’t turn out spectacularly well. I nibbled on some as I planned out my culinary strategy:

Appetizer: stuffed mushrooms

Dinner: stir-fry

Dessert (or as I lovingly refer to it, The Main Course): brownies baked in oranges

At the end of my dinner, I was so full, I nearly had to be rolled back into my house … I probably should limit my camping this summer to weekends only, or perhaps concentrate on super-healthy recipes. Or perhaps not devour four brownie oranges.

Pemmican:

1/2 cup each: golden raisins, pitted dates, figs, almonds, cashews, walnuts, pecans, wheat germ, wheat bran, whole-wheat flour, powdered milk, and honey. Add just enough water to moisten and pour into a buttered pan. Bake for 30 minutes at 375°F. When cool, slice into bars and wrap (reserving one for each pocket).

Stuffed Campfire Mushrooms:

Pop off tops of large, cleaned, white mushrooms. Stuff with browned pancetta (or bacon), bread crumbs, fresh herbs (roughly chopped), minced garlic, and salt and pepper to taste. If you want to go the vegetarian route with your ‘shrooms, omit meat and add butter to moisten you bread crumbs instead. Cook in skillet or wrap tightly in aluminum foil and put directly on the fire.

Stir-fry:

Meat of choice (I used thinly sliced beef) combined with veggies of choice (I used peppers, broccoli, onions, and yellow zucchini) combined at home in a ziplock bag with soy sauce, garlic, brown sugar, pepper, and a can of pineapple with juice. Drain liquid (can be heated up separately and used for extra sauce). Stir-fry in skillet over flames. Eat with rice noodles (excellent camping food, as you only need to pour boiling water from your kettle over top to moisten).

Dessert:

Homemade cake or brownie mix of your choice (or purchase an organic one). Follow directions for mix and pour into a hollowed-out orange. Wrap tightly in aluminum foil and allow to cook in coals for 5–10 minutes.

YUM!

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 5,602 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—7,898 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 5,602 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—7,898 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ

For this week’s Farm Kitchen/Cheese Making Expert Level Merit Badge, I got to spend some serious quality time with one of my first loves: cheese.

Mmm, ooey gooey, smooth as silk, slices of heaven. I never met a cheese I didn’t like. Well, I’m not super-fond of American, but I’m not entirely sure that is a cheese. Thoughts?

I had already made a few different types of delicious cheeses earning my Beginning and Intermediate level badges, so I was feeling pretty confident about my skills. While looking up the guidelines, I was intrigued by the suggestion:

If you’re adventurous, try smoking your cheese.

I can’t tell you how confused I was for a moment, thinking of some sort of whey-based tobacco or something, but then I realized what they meant. Like a smoked gouda? Smoked cheddar?

Why, yes.

I was halfway there already, since I have a little camping secret I’d like to share with you girls. Are you ready for this?

When you’ve had all the s’mores you can swallow at the campfire, try one of these babies:

A wedge of Brie, roasted on your skewer, then topped with dark chocolate. Or skip the chocolate (Now, there are four words I thought would never come out of this gal’s mouth!) and smooth it on a hunk of French bread.

Bliss on a stick.

But anyway, I assume the merit badge gurus aren’t talking about smoking your cheese quite like that, so back to the drawing board (and cookbooks) for me. I decided to try a smoked mozzarella, because let’s face it, no matter the question, mozzarella is always a good answer. Really! Try it.

Have a bad day? Have some mozzarella.

Need to jazz up some leftovers? Top with mozzarella.

Feel your blood sugar dropping to dangerously cranky levels? Snack on mozzarella.

Etcetera, etcetera, and so on and so forth.

Anyway, I made up a batch of cheese:

A gallon of milk, 1 1/2 t citric acid dissolved in 1/2 cup water, 1/4 of a rennet tablet, crushed and dissolved in 1/4 cup water.  I poured the milk in my pot, added the dissolved citric acid, stirred, and heated it to 90°F.  Then I gently stirred in the dissolved rennet and brought the temp up a little more (to 100°F). Then I shut the heat off and let the pot sit for another 5 minutes or so while the curds and whey continued to separate. Then I fondly recited “Little Miss Muffet” a few times, which isn’t required for cheese making, but is recommended. Then I drain off some of the whey and begin my kneading. It turns from a weird-looking, shaggy mess to a lovely ball of smooth cheese. It’s like magic! Magic, I tell you!

After my cheese was ready, I got Mr. Wonderful to heat up the ol’ smoker …

Cheese Making Merit Badge, Expert Level, Part II coming soon!

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 5,602 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—7,898 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ

For this week’s Make It Easy/Make It Pretty Expert Level Merit Badge, I was taking my artistic urges to a whole new place. A whole new level. The Expert Level.

Gulp.

I wasn’t feeling exactly … expert like. Half of my oil painting tendencies were still stick figures and the like. I didn’t think my best work was paintings of people, so I decided to stick to inanimate objects—like trees or mountains or something. Something that didn’t wiggle so much. (Mr. Wonderful posed for me and so did Midge’s triplets, but I gotta say, they all need to work on their Relaxation Merit Badges … talk about squirmy!)

I got out my collection of oil paints and my largest canvas. I had been saving this canvas for over a year, until the Creative Juices struck.

Until I could no longer put off My Muse.

Until the portraits in my mind shouted to be drawn!

Also for the day I ran out of copy paper.

That would be today.

The view from my back porch is ever so lovely at sunset, so that was my aim. I nervously paced through my house most of the day. I checked the time at least 14 times per hour (sunset was set to arrive at 5:05 this evening, according to my friendly television meteorologist). Then I become conscious of the fact that I could start everything but the sunset/sky ahead of time, so I got cracking.

I was so anxious to mar my blank, white canvas that my hand shook on the brush as I dipped it carefully into Cerulean Blue. I momentarily panicked as I second-guessed my knowledge on the meaning of the word Cerulean.

Was it sky-like enough?

Firmly, I gave myself a good talking to.

“Self,” said I, “art is subjective. A matter of opinion. There is no right or wrong. Only art.”

I was feeling much better. Rather sage-like. An art guru. The yogi of oils. The maharishi of paints. The counselor of creative expression.

The Yoda of Merit Badges!

Train you, I will.

Anyway, my confidence bolstered and the sun about to set, I feverishly painted away. (Note: I didn’t really have a fever, it’s just how we artists like to talk.)

I was so obsessed over a particular arch in my garden—getting the greens of the ivy just right—that I completely missed my sunset.

Grr!

Not one to let anything detour me in my quest for all things merit badge-y, I changed direction and cast a twilight appearance on my painting. Who needs sunsets anyway? Totally overrated. A few twinkling stars in the night sky, both in real life and still life, and I was nearly finished.

My fingers were covered in paint and so were my jeans, but I was feeling pretty good. All I had left was to learn the fine art of framing my masterpiece and then getting up the gumption to enter my creation in the local upcoming art show downtown.

Eek. What if no one liked it? What if they thought it was painted by a monkey?

Or a baby?

Or a someone who just drank a four-shot espresso and happens to be blind in one eye?

Or a baby monkey who just drank a four-shot espresso and happens to be blind in one eye?

I’m not sure I’m ready for this badge … talk me into it.