Author Archives: mbajane

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 5,344 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—7,177 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 5,344 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—7,177 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ

For this week’s Garden Gate/Bee Good to Your Mother Earth Merit Badge, I tackled the garden. Now, it’s not as though I’ve neglected the ol’ patch out back completely: I have a lovely collection of garden gnomes, stepping stones, and a fairy house made out of pine cones and twigs and moss that one of Midge’s triplets made for me. But as far as veggies and fruits? Well, let’s just say my thumb isn’t naturally green and leave it at that.

It’s more of a brown. Brings to mind a dying plant, actually.

But my agricultural prowess (or lack thereof) aside, my will was strong, and so was my hankering for all things cucumber-like. Pickles had gotten me through the winter, but I was really up for the crunch and snap of the real thing. And all my neighbors assured me that cukes were easy-peasy, lemon-squeasy to grow.

And after all, my herb garden was thriving in my kitchen! My confidence bolstered, I relocated a few gnomes to the porch (I’ve always liked men with beards … kind of an outdoorsy-man-lovin’ gal that I am) and got to work. I had bookmarked some helpful pages in “Montrose: Life in a Garden,” by Nancy Goodwin, and it sat beside me for moral support as I dug a neat little row. Well, it was supposed to be a neat little row, but it turned out I can’t hoe a straight line any better than I can cut one. Ah well. Don’t think the little cukes will mind. They’re a forgiving sort of veg, I hear. My sweet green babies tucked in for the night in no time at all, I thought I’d better rig a bit of fencing around them. Toile, my chicken, especially goes crackers for seeds and green bits poking out of the ground.

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The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 5,344 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—7,177 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ

For this week’s Each Other/Know Your Roots Merit Badge, another trip to see my Grandma Barbie was in order. She was out of my world-famous strawberry jam and due for a fresh pedicure anyway, so I packed up my car and off I went to Florida! This merit badge requires some family history, some digging, some reminiscing, and a sparkly topcoat (toluene-, formaldehyde-, and DBP-free, naturally!)

Grandma was in a Hot Yoga class when I arrived at the retirement community and I had to kill some time with nice old Mr. Joe (his friends call him G.I.) out front. We swung a bit on the porch swing, my flipflops and his combat boots dangling in the breeze. He’s a sweet gentleman, albeit a bit of a flirt.

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The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 5,344 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—7,177 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ

For this week’s Farm Kitchen/Cheese Making Merit Badge, I was movin’ on up, to the East side, to a deluxe apartment in the sky … Oops. Sorry. Sometimes I am overtaken by a wild urge to sing the lyrics to classic television shows. Anyway, back to the badge, Madge!

I was movin’ on up, if you will, to the Intermediate Level of the Cheese Making badge. Because, let’s face it chickadees, if there is cheese, I will be there. When it comes to snack foods, I come to snack foods! And since my buttermilk and yogurt were both a resounding success, I was feeling pretty confident. I was already having daydreams about Aged Gouda, Smoked Mozzarella, Garlic Jack, Drunken Goat, and a creamy Bleu! The stinkier the cheese, the closer to heaven, isn’t that right? I’m pretty sure I read that somewhere.

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The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 5,205 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—7,043 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ

For this week’s Outpost/Glamping Merit Badge, I steeled myself for an overnight with my favorite triplets. Midge’s kiddos are somewhere between the ages of 6 and 12, respectively. Hey, I’m a single gal: I’m not great with guessing children’s ages! I just know they are old enough to buckle their own seat belts, but not old enough to get a learner’s permit.

Anyway …

Midge needed an overnight sitter, so Yours Truly volunteered. Well, volunteer is a strong word … more like my deer-in-the-headlights look must have masqueraded as a pick-me look. I’d better work on that. But all kidding aside, I was psyched, amped up, phat, chillaxed, you know, to be the cool auntie for a night, plus it was the perfect opportunity to earn another badge! Which one, you might ask?

The ever-popular Glamping one.

Oh. Yes. Indeedy.

Though I’d heard of glamping, collected a Pinterest wall of glamping ideas, have friends who have done it, and daydreamed of all it entailed, I still hadn’t left my house.

My comfy, comfy house.

With that comfy, comfy bathroom.

Yes, I’m a wimp. A pathetic excuse for a farmgirl. I’ve said it.

But no more! I was going glamping. Even if it was just in the backyard.

Close to that comfy, comfy bathroom.

Don’t fret, chickadees, I don’t plan to cheat.

Unless completely necessary.

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The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 5,205 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—7,043 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ

For this week’s Outpost/Knotty Farmgirl Merit Badge, I had an ulterior motive. You see, if you give a farmgirl a tree, then she’s gonna take notice of the branches, and if she takes notice of the branches, she’s gonna get the urge to swing, feel the breeze on her face, kick her bare feet up into the air, and lean back to let her hair tickle the grass below.

It’s true.

After all …

How do you like to go up in a swing, 
Up in the air so blue? 
Oh, I do think it the pleasantest thing 
Ever a child can do! 

Up in the air and over the wall,
Till I can see so wide,
River and trees and cattle and all
Over the countryside— 

Till I look down on the garden green,
Down on the roof so brown—
Up in the air I go flying again,
Up in the air and down! 

Robert Lewis Stevenson (I like to affectionately call him Bobby) and I have a lot in common.

Anyway, before I could get my swing on and kick up my farmgirl boots, I had to learn a few things. Like, you know, safety precautions. Like, how to tie knots. Not just shoelaces, scarves, and curly-ribbon-bedecked packages, but real knots. This was going to involve

a) another Internet tutorial

or

b) a bored sailor

Being fresh out of sailors, I taught myself with a tutorial and several lengths of twine. I practiced and practiced until my practicer was sore! Not sore so much as tied up in knots. HA! Being extremely adept at friendship-bracelet-making back in the day, I think I picked it up quite quickly. But was my skill good enough to test my weight with a tree branch and a cedar board?

We shall see.

I gathered my supplies for my swing:

• the tree
• one cedar board
• 60-grit sandpaper
• 75 feet of braided nylon rope
• scissors
• matches
• ruler and pencil
• drill with a 3/4” boring bit
• hammer and 4 fence staples (or bent nails)

I sanded and drilled and measured and marked. I threaded and tied (here is where my knot-making expertise came to fruition). I secured and tossed and shimmied (the rope, sillies, not me)! I pulled and cut.

And then?

Well, then of course, I swang. Swung? Swinged? I did some swinging. And it was every bit as lovely as I remembered it to be. I leaned and pumped and admired the view over my neighbor’s garage. I kicked and felt the grass tickle my feet. I tipped over backwards for that indescribable head rush. I even did a fancy dismount (a triple axel with a half twist) and stuck the landing.

It was as good as I knew it would be.

Except I don’t remember my tushie hurting so much afterward.

Next up? Weatherproof pillow.

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 5,091 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—6,887 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ

Well, I was about to find out just how good my short story was. The next part of the Stitching and Crafting/Ink Slinger Merit Badge (Sheesh! Was selling my soul next? This novel writing really wrings the drama and emotion out of a girl!) was to give it to a friend to correct for grammar, spelling, and punctuation. I shoved it into Midge’s waiting hands, knowing she corrected her triplets’ use of the English language approximately 12387.23487 times per day. Before breakfast.

Midge left with my baby in her eager paws, and I swear I heard a maniacal laugh out of my BFF as she did. Maybe it was the after-effects of too much iced tea and coffee, though.

Midge would be gentle … wouldn’t she?

I must have voiced that worry out loud because Brittany, the youngest triplet, started giggling hysterically.

“Um, sure, Auntie Jane … sure, she will.” She patted my head in a reassuring fashion, but she was still chortling.

I could barely sleep that night. Midge assured me she couldn’t get to my story until the kids were in bed that night, so I had to wait. I tossed and turned fretfully. Would she see the parallels between good and evil? Would she appreciate the gentle humor? The life lessons? The sweet coming of age story line? The particularly nice cursive?

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The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 5,091 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—6,887 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ

For this week’s Stitching and Crafting/Ink Slinger Merit Badge, I finished the last page of Strunk and White’s The Elements of Style, with a satisfied sound and prepared to … wait for it …

Write the Great American Novel.

Well, eventually.

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The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 4,945 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—6,765 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ

For this week’s Each Other/I Should Have Been in the Movies! Merit Badge, I had to conquer a lifelong fear. A phobia. Not spiders, those misunderstood little gentlemen of the buggy world. Not heights, which give me a delicious, butterflies-in-the-ol’-tummy kind of thrill. Not deep water, which only makes me practice my mermaid kicks and hair tossing. Not even the dark, which just makes me crave warm milk and a nap. No, no, my fear is of … public speaking.

I know. You’re shocked, right? I kinda am, too. I mean, I’m an exuberant personality! A talkative gal! If I were to write my autobiography, it’d be chock full of exclamation points!!!!!!!!

!!

But there’s something about putting me on stage, or *gulp* focusing a camera on Yours Truly, and I freeze.

Just ask my third grade teacher, Miss Trunchbull, who demoted me from Pretty Princess to Rock #4 faster than you could say, Speak up, Miss Jane, I can’t hear a word you’re saying over all that melodramatic knee knocking.

Memories. Some light the corners of your mind and some just need to be buried under a mountain of chocolate pudding.

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The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 4,945 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—6,765 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ

For this week’s Each Other/Farmgirl Spirit Merit Badge, I found a creative outlet for my spring fever. Spring fever? Say it isn’t so! Farm Romance Fever sounds more like it.

Having all these badges under my belt (figuratively speaking, of course), I really wanted to do something with them. Namely, show them off a bit. All in the name of hospitality, naturally. I didn’t really want to show off the badges, per se, but the skills I acquired earning those badges. Know what I mean, organic string bean?

Just a little farmgirl humor there …

I always host a party in Spring. Maybe it’s that the days are getting a bit longer, maybe it’s the fact that I’ve done my spring cleaning and want to show it off before the dust settles once again, maybe it’s the joy of packing up the sweaters and boots and pulling out the flip-flops and sundresses, but whatever it is, I’m always ready for some friendship and good eats ‘long about May! So, in my best handwriting, I mailed an invitation to my idol, a man who turned 80 yesterday, a man who has used his fame and fortune to help the farmers of America a tremendous amount—Willie Nelson. Imagine my surprise when not only did he RSVP, he RSVP-ed a resounding Yes! Evidently, I was not the only one in need of some farmgirl interaction, eh?

First things first, I planned my menu. I used to plan my menus based on whatever was on the cover of the first foodie magazine that caught my eye standing in line at the grocery store. Nowadays, I base my menu according to what’s in season and what’s calling my name at the Farmers’ Market.

Do you hear that?

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