Author Archives: mbajane

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 7,328 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—10,420 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! ~MaryJane 

For this week’s Make It Easy/Mindfulness Meditation Beginner Level Merit Badge, I told myself to take it easy.

“Take it easy, Me,” said I. I tried to muster up my sage, mindful, deliberate, and in other words, calm, cool, and collected inner voice. Since my inner voice is typically a hungry toddler who needs a potty break, it took some doing.

Meditation. Isn’t that something yogis do (not the bear … the super flexible people who sip on shots of wheatgrass and fold their legs behind their ears, all while looking spiffy in expensive stretch pants and complicated sports bras)?

Or perhaps it’s something Buddhist monks do?

Or New Age tree huggers?

No?

I, too, can (and probably should) meditate?

Well, color me surprised.

photo by Sebastien Wiertz via Flickr.com

The very idea was pretty intriguing, so I did what I do best: I researched my newfound interest at the library while munching on a ham sammie.

Interesting side note: you can trace what my interests have been while being a farmgirl earning badges based on the organic mayonnaise stains I leave behind at the library.

Another interesting side note: I am no longer allowed to bring in food to the library. That librarian is old school and a bit of a tyrant. Sheesh. Accidently leave behind one small tuna bagel on a shelf and you’re banned for life. Unfair.

Anyway, I learned that for mucho beginners like moi, you can find guided meditations on the Web. How cool! I’m all about tutorials. They’re the bee’s knees. You can find a tutorial for anything these days: I’m currently filming my own on “How to Eat Your Way Through a Box of Tacos In Three Easy Steps for Health and Happiness Part I.” I think there’s a real market for it. After all, my tutorial on “How To Eat Your Way Through the Non-Fiction Section at Your Library” practically went viral.

Until Librarian Sour-Face left me 1 star on Yelp.

Humph.

Armed with some interesting guided mediations, a scented candle (made by Yours Truly, of course), a CD of Yanni (seemed appropriate, but perhaps too stereotypical?), and my own not-so-expensive stretchy pants and not-so-complicated sports bra, I began.

To earn your Beginner Badge, you only need to mediate for five minutes per day, for one week.

Me, being an over-achiever, I way outdid that. I mediated for two hours per day the first week!

Okay, okay, 1 hour and 55 minutes of that was spent snoring facedown, drooling on my yoga mat, and nearly burning the house down with my soothing lavender scented candle. Lesson learned.

photo by Chika Watanabe via Flickr.com

The next week, I sheepishly started over, and changed up the routine a bit. I exchanged Yanni for Dance Party Jam Mix Tape IV, and switched the candle scent to Bacon (who can sleep while you’re listening to Pump It Up and smelling bacon? No one, that’s who). I also put the yoga mat back from whence it came (propping up my busted dryer door), and retired the not-too-complicated sports bra.

Turns out I mediated much better in my old jeans and flannel shirt at my kitchen table, anyway.

At the end of Week II, I was not as well rested as Week I, but I felt quite a bit more mindful and energetic.

Though that also could be my bacon-scented candle.

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The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 7,328 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—10,420 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! ~MaryJane 

Wondering who I am? I’m Merit Badge Awardee Jane (MBA Jane for short). In my former life …   

For this week’s Stitching and Crafting/Weaving In and Out Intermediate Level Young Cultivator Merit Badge, Piper, Andy, and I stepped up the ante. Now that we were pretty proficient at how to braid and make our own friendship bracelets,

photo by Nina Helmer via Flickr.com

we had to branch out and …

make another using a different material this time and give one away.

Seemed simple enough. Aww, naiveté, thy name is Jane …

We already had enough friendship bracelets to adorn most of the neighborhood (and in Andy’s case, the local football team), but we were fresh outta yarn. We pondered and pondered: what else could be braided?

Well, that was a loaded question for Lil’ Miss Pipes.

“What can’t be braided?” she rephrased, in delight.

Umm, turns out that became a list.

Things That Cannot Be Braided:
• Rocks
• Granola bars
• Chicken feathers
• Beef jerky
• Sticks of gum
• All the electrical cords behind the entertainment cabinet (but only cuz Dad says no)
• Toothbrushes
• Dog’s ears (but only because they won’t sit still long enough)
• Kitten’s tails (see above)
• Forks
• Spoons
• Knives

And how do we know these items aren’t braidable, you might ask? Because we didn’t attempt them, naturally … sigh.

The next list seemed more fun (not to mention, more applicable).

Things That CAN Be Braided:
• Yarn
• Ribbons
• Shoelaces (not while people are wearing them, though. Not nice, Andy)
• Some flower stalks or long grasses
• Strips of cloth or lace
• Rickrack
• Your mom’s purse straps
• Your dad’s belts
• Curly ribbon on packages/gifts
• Headbands and hair ties
• Curtain tie-backs
• Fringe
• Shirt sleeves (Don’t ask. I think they were making homemade strait jackets or something.)
• Fruit leather (sticky, but worth the flavor combination)
• Licorice sticks
• Dental floss
• Bungee cords
• Bread dough
• Embroidery floss
• Men’s dress socks or girl’s knee-highs

I think the list would have gone on all day and night, but we needed to get crackin’ on actually accomplishing a few completed bracelets and then gifting them. This likely would have led to another list, but I snagged the pencil from Piper. Sheesh, if there’s a badge for List Making that kiddo would be Chapter Leader in no time.

photo by Bunches and Bits {Karina} via Flickr.com

There are approximately 7.4 billion people in the world right now.

We have nearly enough friendship bracelets for everyone.

I’m. Not. Even. Kidding.

photo by Diane Industrialart Purdie via Flickr.com

Piper and Andy picked out the very best, the most beautiful, the one that took the most work and time, the one they treasured out of them all, and they gave it to …

Me.

Don’t be jelly of my fruit leather, hollyhock stalk, dental floss, and ribbon bracelet, my farmgirls. It is one of a kind, yes, but you too can have a priceless symbol of your neighbor kids’ affection. Just teach them this badge!

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The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 7,200 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—10,226 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! ~MaryJane 

For this week’s Stitching and Crafting/Weaving In and Out Beginner Level Young Cultivator Merit Badge with Yours Truly and trustworthy sidekick, Piper, we got ourselves a pile of yarn. You don’t need a pile necessarily, but I had a sneaky plan to have some help unraveling my large ball of snarled fibers, and at the same time, I’d teach Pipes to make friendship bracelets.

photo by eef ink via Flickr.com

(Crafty is my middle name. Both definitions of the word.)

Andy was loitering hovering casually nearby, so we ended up including him in our badge-earning process. He feigned indifference—probably because he assumed bracelets were too girly for such a testosterone-fueled mancub—but he came around when he had the bright idea to make his in sports team colors.

First, we needed to learn to braid. Piper’s mom usually braided her locks for her, so she was as new to the concept as Andy was. We took three pieces of yarn that were a bit longer than what it would take to wrap around their respective wrists. Next, we used a piece of tape to anchor them to the table. (Don’t want tape marking up your table? They can also tape them to their own pant leg. Helpful hint from me to you.)

We braided and braided. It took a few trials and errors, but the whippersnappers got the hang of it pretty quickly. Before I knew it, there were braided “tails” all over my house, taped to just about everything. It looked like a strange crime scene of Pin the Tail on the Donkey, only without any donkeys.

photo by Zervas via Flickr.com

Also, we were out of tape.

There were approximately enough bracelets to adorn the entire town, so we bundled up a few and braided them together. This brought our number down to a more manageable and less ridiculous amount. (Though if your town needs some accessories, let me know.)

My pile of snarled yarn had been unraveled alright, but it had dwindled to the size of a thimble. I braided my last friendship bracelet out of it and I think it really makes my nail polish pop, if I do say so myself.

photo by KnitSpirit via Flickr.com

Piper was so bejeweled with her fabulous bracelets that she looked a bit like an over-dressed Christmas tree, and Andy appeared to be a sports fan straight outta Woodstock (if there ever was such a thing). However, they were happy as clams, so I picked up the nearly 1,384,563.877 tiny snippets of yarn they had left behind in their efforts to achieve the perfect length, and called it a day.

Intermediate Level for this badge? Making more out of different materials, gifting them to friends, and also buying Auntie Jane a new roll of tape.

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 7,200 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—10,226 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! ~MaryJane 

Wondering who I am? I’m Merit Badge Awardee Jane (MBA Jane for short). In my former life …   

For this week’s Farm Kitchen/Icing on the Cake Intermediate Level Young Cultivator Merit Badge, Andy was my sous-chef on All Things Cake. I mean, come on, this badge is about making (and thusly eating) cake. It’s not about making your bed, or writing a paper.

Andy was all over this badge.

In fact, the wild look in his baby blues kinda scared me, not gonna lie. I swear, at the mention of cake, his pupils started twirling and swirling, his eyes bugged out like a cartoon character, and he began bouncing up and down and climbing the walls. He needed a reality check (and maybe some fresh veggies or something).

“So,” I said, casually, “I was thinking Carrot Cake.”

The bouncing stopped and his pupils quit swirling. He stared at me, suspiciously. “Like, with carrots? A cake with carrots? I knew there was a catch to this badge!” He flopped dramatically on the floor.

“It’s delicious! But my other idea if you don’t like that one, is Hummingbird Cake.”

He rolled over with a grunt. “You’re sick, Aunty.”

“Not with real hummingbirds, Einstein!” I debated on whether now was a good time to let him know my dog-eared copy of To Kill A Mockingbird was not what it sounded like, either. At this point, he likely thought it was a cookbook.

“Hummingbird Cake is an old recipe …”

“Made with endangered fowl?”

“Hush, cretin. No, it’s made with yummy goodness like chopped bananas and chunks of pineapple, and covered in cream-cheese frosting.” I wiggled my eyebrows.

He flopped back over. “Idonkikecweemzeesh.”

“Eh?”

Flopped back once again to glare at me. “I don’t like cream cheese.”

“Yes, you do, don’t be ridiculous. Cream cheese is a gift from the angels. Now, get up off the floor and wash your hands. Chop, chop!”

We got to work. And at the end of the afternoon, we had earned a badge and a newfound addiction to cream-cheese frosting. Also, my eyes might be swirling around like a cartoon character after the third piece, but I have not climbed any walls. Yet.

Hummingbird Cake (no hummingbirds were harmed in the making of this cake)
(recipe from Southern Living, 1978)

Photo: Hector Sanchez; Styling: Karin Olsen

3 cups organic flour
2 cups organic sugar
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
3 large eggs, beaten
1 1/2 cups vegetable oil or coconut oil
1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1 (8-ounce) can crushed pineapple, undrained
2 cups chopped bananas
1 cup chopped pecans

Cream Cheese Frosting

2 (8-ounce) packages cream cheese, softened
1 cup butter or margarine, softened
2 (16-ounce) package powdered sugar, sifted
2 teaspoon vanilla extract

Preheat oven to 350°. Whisk together flour and next 4 ingredients in a large bowl; add eggs and oil, stirring just until dry ingredients are moistened. Stir in vanilla, pineapple, bananas, and 1 cup chopped toasted pecans. Spoon batter into 3 well-greased and floured 9-inch round cake pans.

Bake at 350° for 25-30 minutes or until a wooden pick inserted in center comes out clean. Cool cake layers in pans on wire racks 10 minutes; remove from pans to wire racks, and cool completely (about 1 hour).

Beat cream cheese and butter until smooth. Gradually add sugar, beating at low speed until blended. Stir in vanilla. Beat 1 to 2 minutes or until fluffy. Give beaters to small child to teach them that they do, indeed, love cream cheese.

Place 1 cake layer on a serving platter. Spread 1 cup Cream Cheese Frosting over cake layer. Top with second layer, and spread 1 cup frosting over cake layer. Top with third cake layer, and spread top and sides of cake with remaining frosting. Decorate with toasted pecan halves, if desired.

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The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 7,200 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—10,226 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! ~MaryJane 

For this week’s Stitching and Crafting/Little Scrappers Beginner Level Young Cultivator Merit Badge, I snagged the opportunity to do one of my favorite things (scrapbooking), and one thing I’d always wanted to do (ice skating).

Henri Giacomotto, ‘La patineuse’

Piper’s family invited me along on their family outing to the rink, and I was pleased as punch to lace up my new skates and try my skillz at waltzing/turning/spinning/arabesquing falling/crashing/bruising/face-planting. I’ve never been one to shy away from a challenge, so I borrowed some shin guards from Andy and placed my bike helmet safely atop my curls (better safe than brain damaged, I always say).

Piper was new at this, too, so I was not alone. Not skating, unfortunately, but scrapbooking; so I tried to convince myself we were on a level playing field. We were soooo not. Turns out, skating is much harder to master than cutting and gluing. Or at least, so I thought. (The little whippersnapper really cannot cut in a straight line. I tried to ignore it and patted her on the head reassuringly. Or at least I would have had I not been gliding by like elegant ballerina gimpy penguin.)

Piper took lots of pictures to commemorate my big day and to paste lovingly into her first scrapbook. She can really multitask; she was decorating borders at the same time she was sashaying ‘round the rink. I can relate though; I was multitasking too. I was outlining a rough draft of my Last Will and Testament as I crashed unceremoniously into a Hot Cocoa Booth (that thing came outta nowhere).

photo, Alanna George via Wikimedia Commons

I was very much patting myself on my (thrown-out) back over the use of the helmet. It saved my noggin from crackin’ in four or five places at least, and it also came in handy as our day came to a (blessed) close and I used it to hold all of Piper’s photos on the way back to the car. She skipped along merrily, and I limped like a one-legged pirate who’d had too much rum.

I had mistakenly assumed Piper would use a digital camera, or even her mommy’s cell phone, but she had an adorable Polaroid Snap, so the photos were ready for pasting asap. Photographic evidence suggests I am a professional photo bomber, but in my defense, they were nearly all unintentional … you try staying out of a family’s nice picture when you’re standing on ice in shoes with tiny strips of metal on them. Yeah. Harder than it looks. Photo after photo, I am a blur of panic, leaving not-quite-death and destruction in my wake, as I skated by, knocking out elderly senior citizens and small children alike. Hey, don’t feel too bad; those grannies really know how to move out of the way when they’re motivated. I figure I saved them from having to go to Jazzercise this week.

I would have helped Piper more when we got home with her scrapbooking, but I needed to put a heat pack on my back and a bag of frozen peas on my tushy. She assured me she could figure out the intricacies of album arranging without me and would bring the finished product by for a looksee after my long winter’s nap and after my toes recovered from frostbite.

I’m thinking the skates will make nice flower planters. Is there a badge for that?

ice skate planters, Macys.com

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The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 7,200 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—10,226 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! ~MaryJane 

For this week’s Farm Kitchen/Icing on the Cake Expert Level Young Cultivator Merit Badge, Nora, Piper, Andy, and the Hostess with the Mostess (that’s me) all joined forces.

For the good of cake.

Yum.

Now, we had all gone through rigorous training to bring us to this day. After all, we had baked our way to success (and one or two failures) through the Beginner and Intermediate Level Badges, and so thusly, henceforth, and so on and so forth, forever and ever, amen, we were set.

(My waistline? A whole ‘nother kettle of fish.)

We had made our homemade, from-scratch cakes earlier and then we read through the badge requirements for this, our final cake badge: woe was us … we were supposed to decorate the said cakes and take photos.

Umm, hello? Those cakes had been digested in our tummies for a while now.

So, we did the next best thing, considering the holidays were upon us …

Andy, Nora, Piper, and Jane’s Gingerbread/Pretzel Houses

Supplies suggested:

• pretzel rods/sticks (Lots and lots. As the age-old saying goes, one for the house, one for my belly.)

• gumdrops (You can buy organic candy here. They even have kosher gummy cubs!)

• red-hots

• licorice ropes

• chocolate rocks

• coconut

• icing for piping

• “cement” for glue

• graham crackers

Now, depending on whether you want to eat your creation or just stare lovingly at it all season long, you will want to choose your ingredients accordingly. Piper and I were more about the architecture of the thing and we had our own snack stash nearby, so we skipped the homemade icings and used hot glue. Shh. Don’t tell. Andy and Nora, on the other hand, were all about noshing on their houses like Hansel and Gretel, and so we made sure they got their hands on most of the good-for-you organic treats, and homemade “cement.”

“Cement” for gluing houses together:

Beat 4 egg whites with 1 t cream of tartar till stiff. Gradually add 4 cups powdered sugar (I said, gradually, Andy!) and beat five minutes. Will harden quickly, so keep a towel or plastic wrap on it when not using.

The pretzel sticks/rods are adorbs for making log cabins. Coconut can be edible snow, or can be tinted with green food coloring to make grass. You can also use half-and-half, pint-sized or half-gallon-sized, empty containers for your house frames. Paint, or decoupage, and then add your candy décor. Rock chocolates make excellent chimneys.

photo by Jeff Markham via Wikimedia Commons

We had ourselves a little Christmas village when we were done. Were they cakes necessarily? In the purest sense of the word? Cakes, per se? Okay, maybe not precisely … but what is cake but something that brings people together in the kitchen? And that we did, me and my elves. And I’d say, it was joyful and triumphant.

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The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 7,200 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—10,226 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! ~MaryJane 

For this week’s Farm Kitchen/Food Allergy Awareness Intermediate Level Merit Badge, I tackled my newfound knowledge of that lowly, insidious issue of food allergies, and wrestled it into the kitchen.

That’s right. What good is knowing things if you aren’t part of the solution, am I right? Of course I am.

I set about rewriting three family recipes with a food allergic person in mind. What if, for example, you have a loved one coming over for Thanksgiving dinner and they are gluten free? How will you serve that oh-so important and not to be neglected Turkey Day staple, the stuffing? Or, say your uncle has a craving for a slow-roasted ham, but can’t tolerate any form of sugar in the glaze? (And who doesn’t? Have a craving for slow-roasted ham, that is. I mean, come on. The day I don’t have a slow-roasted ham craving is the day you know to bury me six feet under.) I mean, it’s a pickle really.

Don’t get me started on pickle allergies. If there is such a thing then I declare, this is a world I cannot be a part of.

Anyway. I had no such uncle, nor any gluten-free friends at the moment, so I took a different approach: I pretended.

That’s me, Jane, the Great Pretender. I pretended I was allergic to peanuts, tree nuts, and dairy.

But, Janey, you’re saying, peanuts are a nut, you, you NUT! Nope, peanuts are a legume, thank you very much. You can be quite allergic to tree nuts and not to peanuts, and the other way ‘round.

photo by jules / stonesoup via Wikimedia Commons

Cue the melodious strains of a back-to-school special … the more you know …

You’d think, wouldn’t you, that it wouldn’t be that hard to avoid nuts (or legumes), especially if you’re doing your own cooking, but you’d be wrong. Or at least, wrongish. I reached for a bottle of Asian salad dressing as a marinade for my chicken (I was making lettuce wraps) and belatedly read the ingredients. Yep, you guessed it, peanut oil.

I was glad I hadn’t picked soy as one of my food allergy ingredients to avoid because then I really would have been up a creek without a paddle. I try to avoid soy anyway, but boy do they ever put it in everything (it’s nearly as everywhere as gluten is). My chicken lettuce wraps turned out okay, but they were missing the crunch of a few sprinkled nuts, I must say. I tossed some corn nuts in as a replacement (they were … weird).

Next, I whipped up a batch of my world-famous Everything But the Kitchen Sink Cookies, but with variations. I had to take out all the nuts once again (grr!) and not only that, but I had to remove the dairy as well.

Wait, is butter a dairy?

photo by Armmark via Wikimedia Commons

I don’t wanna do this anymore …

I substituted coconut oil and applesauce for the butter (if you’re going to tell me coconut is a nut, I’m going to have to slap you with a cookie), and replaced the nuts with some dried fruits and some extra oats for texture.

They were pretty tasty, although I will probably have to rename them Everything But the Kitchen Sink and Not To Mention Nuts and Butter Cookies. Which makes it a little hard to file in my recipe box, but no matter.

The third recipe I revamped was a fruit smoothie. I thought it’d be easy, until I realized I couldn’t replace the cow’s milk with almond milk, because … nuts! And I couldn’t replace the almond milk with cow’s milk, because … dairy.

So I threw some strawberries in a blender and added some tequila and called it a day.

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 7,200 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—10,226 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! ~MaryJane 

For this week’s Each Other/Big Kid Now Beginner Level Young Cultivator Merit Badge, I wrangled Piper, Andy, and Nora to earn their badges together. Birds of a feather flock together like peas in a pod. Or something to that effect.

Anyway, this badge was all about daydreaming towards the future and answering the ever immortal and infamous question that the under-18 crowd gets asked twenty-eleven times in their short life spans:

What do you want to be when you grow up?

Buzz Aldrin walks on the moon, July 20, 1969, via Wikimedia Commons

Now, this seemingly innocuous query can cause panic, anxiety, and hives in young adults of the teenage variety (and some of the just-graduated college age group as well), but these particular whippersnappers found it intriguing.

Especially when I assured them that the sky was the limit (after all, who doesn’t want to be an astronaut?).

It really got their gray matter working overtime. Piper was coming up with career notions as fast as she could write them down with her trusty hot-pink quill pen, Nora firmly stuck to her #1 choice, but Andy was … well, surprisingly thoughtful.

I mean, you could have knocked me over with Pipe’s hot-pink quill pen. He was really stewing and brewing and weighing his options. It was like he was … was … thinking. Anyone who knows and loves a preteen boy knows this is rare indeed: like seeing a unicorn on your way to the market or something.

I say this in love.

But ‘tis true.

Then he *gasp* wanted to go the library to research his Top Ten Career Paths. I couldn’t say no to that request. (Though I was still filled with apprehension after our last trip there. Would there be a photo of me with a red line crossed through? Would I be banned for shouting, spilling my coffee, and losing half the children I had arrived with? It’s not easy being Auntie, I tell you.)

photo by Wpcpey via Wikimedia Commons

We set off like a herd of turtles and made our way to the Non-Fiction Kid’s Section—where none of us had actually been before. It was a whole new world there, chickadees! I always thought Non-Fiction was a bit on the borrrrrring side myself, but once again, I have changed my wicked ways.

I settled down with a biography of Julia Child while the three ankle-biters perused. Each of us had brought our own reusable shopping bag, both for ease of transport and also to cut down on the squabbling. Well, actually Nora brought a suitcase on wheels, but the librarian didn’t even bat an eye. Sometimes I think librarians have seen things that would make a lesser gal squirm in shock. They’re like the unsung heroes and ninjas of the literature world. Also, if the zombie apocalypse happens, I’m heading to the library, post haste.

The book about Julia was making me super hungry. I was having a hard time focusing on our assignment, but luckily the kids were doing well. The Non-Fiction section was pretty picked over by the time we were done with it and I kinda hoped there weren’t any other Young Cultivators eager to earn this specific badge today (or in the next two weeks, since that’s how long we had our books for).

On our way home, we had to drive-through for tacos because … well, Julia.

Want to see what the trio of intrepid daydreamers checked out?

Stay tuned!

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The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 7,130 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—10,150 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! ~MaryJane 

For this week’s Garden Gate/Grow Forth Beginner Level Young Cultivator Merit Badge, I kidnapped borrowed Piper from next door and we sat down with a basket of applesauce muffins to make a list of five local eateries that make her life easier and more fun.

Turns out, ever since the Spaghetti in Her Hair Episode of 2011, Piper’s mom doesn’t frequent restaurants much these days.

Can’t imagine why …

Anyway, despite my reassurances that there is not a big poster of Piper’s face with a slash through it on every door in town, Mom decided not to come on our little Tour of Delight (as we called it).

An excuse to wander downtown and sample wares? Why, yes, please! The two of us set off with stars in our eyes and a rumbling in our tummies.

postcard, Boston Public Library via Wikimedia Commons

We ducked into a delicatessen, where Piper was shocked and awed to find she actually enjoyed a good sauerkraut; a cookie bakery that was giving out samples of mini snickerdoodles; an organic smoothie shop where we shared a mango and pineapple concoction that was quite delish; a diner that specialized in hand-cut French fries with a special and secret sauce; and a coffee bar that served up a spicy and thick hot chocolate that nearly made me swear off coffee, it was so good.

I confess, it had been a while for me as far as eating out goes. I had gotten so into growing and cooking my own grub, I’d forgotten the tiny luxury of a sandwich made by someone else, and the feeling of satisfaction I get when I know my money has gone to a local business.

I was fairly sick with remorse over my lack of attention to my town’s eateries, so I bought a dozen more snickerdoodles to calm my fretful heart. (Yup. Totally did the trick. But just in case the icky feeling came back, I purchased another basket of French fries.)

Then, our consciences abated, we made another list. This time it was for ideas for our own, imaginary food business. Well, imaginary as of right now anyway … but you never know.

Piper and Jane’s Business Ideas (Food Edition)

• Totally Tacos: Hey, they’re not just for Tuesdays anymore!
• Little Miss Muffins: 24-hour muffin shop (how many times do you crave a peach muffin at 2 a.m., canIgetanamen?)
• Donut Forget the Sprinkles: Get it? Donut? Do Not? Ha!
• Piper’s Pickles: homegrown right from the cuke!
• Salad Toppers: everything you wanted to put in a salad but were afraid to ask
• Save the Grape: (evidently, Piper has a hatred of raisins and wants to eliminate them from Planet Earth)
• Scones R Us
• Ice Creamery: an ice cream shop where Piper refuses to put nuts in ice cream no matter how many customers want them

We eliminated a couple right off the bat (the grape rebellion will have to wait) and settled on Piper’s Pickles. Who wouldn’t want to buy a jar of homegrown pickles from a cute little stand, manned by a whippersnapper with a knack for pickling?

Now, we just wait patiently for summer …

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The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 7,130 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—10,150 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! ~MaryJane 

Wondering who I am? I’m Merit Badge Awardee Jane (MBA Jane for short). In my former life …   

For this week’s Each Other/Her-Story Beginner Level Merit Badge, I found myself stumped for a moment. Find an influential and/or powerful woman who is still alive to research.

Hmm. Seemed simple enough, but surprisingly difficult, to boot. Also, I got a little sad when random women jumped into my head, then when I Googled them, found that they had passed to their eternal reward. Sniffle. Audrey Hepburn, I’m talking to you.

Audrey Hepburn and Mel Ferrer, while filming War and Peace. Milton H. Greene for LOOK Magazine via Wikimedia Commons.

I puzzled and puzzled till my puzzler was sore. I racked my gray matter. I pondered and pontificated and mused. I ate some cookies. I thought some more. I drummed my fingers restlessly on my coffee table, where my latest stack of library books sat ready and waiting. I looked down.

Then, I had it!

Harry Potter’s cute, little, bespectacled face peered up at me endearingly.

J.K. Rowling!

photo by Daniel Ogren via Wikimedia Commons

Talk about influential and powerful. I mean, she singlehandedly got millions of school-aged youngsters to love books again. That’s influential. She changed the game for middle school novels. That’s powerful. And even more than that, I learned she’s pretty darn inspirational too.

Some facts about J.K. you might find as super-neato as I did:

• J.K. (or Joanne as I like to call her, since I pretty much assume we’re friends by now) wrote the first Harry Potter while she was a single mom on welfare, and it was rejected 12 times before being picked up by a publishing house for a mere $4,000.
• The fourth book in the series, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, became the fastest-selling book in history. Like, history of the world, peeps.
• Rowling is now the 13th wealthiest woman in Britain (wealthier even than the queen!)
• Her book, The Tales of Beedle the Bard, puts every cent in royalties earned towards charity.
• The films based on her books are the second-highest-grossing films in history.
• She went from living on state benefits to multi-millionaire status in a mere five years.
• Forbes ranked Rowling as the 48th most powerful celebrity of 2007, and Time magazine named her as a runner-up for its 2007 Person of the Year, noting the social, moral, and political inspiration she has given her fans. In October 2010, Rowling was named the “Most Influential Woman in Britain” by leading magazine editors.
• She based the character of Hermione Granger on herself when she was 11.
• In 1982, she took the entrance exams for Oxford, but was not accepted. She ended up going to University of Exeter, where she recalls doing very little work, and mostly read a lot of Dickens and Tolkien.
• In 2012 Forbes had to remove Rowling from their list of billionaires because she had given so much money away to charities, she lost her billionaire status. Wowza!
• Rowling has named communist and civil rights activist Jessica Mitford as her “most influential writer,” saying, “Jessica Mitford has been my heroine since I was 14 years old, when I overheard my formidable great-aunt discussing how Mitford had run away at the age of 19 to fight with the Reds in the Spanish Civil War”, and claims what inspired her about Mitford was that she was “incurably and instinctively rebellious, brave, adventurous, funny and irreverent, she liked nothing better than a good fight, preferably against a pompous and hypocritical target.” Sounds like a few s/heroes I know!
• Rowling has described Jane Austen as her favorite author, calling Emma her favorite book. As a child, Rowling has said her early influences included The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis, The Little White Horse by Elizabeth Goudge, and Manxmousee by Paul Gallico.

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