Author Archives: mbajane

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 6,760 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—9,508 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ 

For this week’s Each Other/Civic Heritage Expert Level Merit Badge, I was super-thrilled to try out my acting chops. You see, in order to earn my next badge, I had to participate in a local reenactment. It just so happens, chickadees, that my local downtown does a Wild West bank robbery reenactment for the tourists every year.

Annie Oakley via Wikimedia Commons

Boy howdy, this was gonna be good. I was ready for this—I was born for this. I had spent all my years perfecting drama and all the skills therein; never would the part of Third Tree to the Left be played with such convincing heart!

I jest, of course. A gal like me—born for the stage—was awarded the part of Millie-Ann, a very prominent and important tavern owner.

And by awarded I mean chosen. And by chosen I mean they let me sign up for whatever part I wanted.

But still, Millie-Ann was meant for me. She spoke to me: her flaxen curls, her bossy demeanor, her way with the gentlemen, her flair for pouring a good sarsaparilla … it was Me to a T.

Being a thespian of such high quality, I naturally am what they call a Method Actor. This means I was fully immersed in the character of Millie-Ann for a full week before we began shooting. Er, I mean, performing. Well, there would be shooting; it was a bank robbery, after all. But I’ve gotten off track.

I peppered my speech with lots of “y’alls,” and other such Wild West slang. I piled my hair high in a bouffant style that Miss Kitty would have envied, I tossed back root beer with reckless abandon, I sauntered and walked bow-legged, and I rode attempted to ride my neighbor’s filly to the watering hole. In short, I became Millie-Ann.

The day of the reenactment arrived and I was so nervous. In fact, I was so nervous, I kind of misplaced my script, and when the first bank robber arrived, peeling through downtown on a black stallion, my knees gave way and I nearly fainted. Millie-Ann would not be such a pansy, though, so I snapped out of it—pronto! Having no idea what the script called for (and assuming scripts were nearly as unimportant as owner’s manuals or directions—totally unnecessary and strictly for amateurs), I improvised. I tossed my sarsaparilla in his face, shrieked like a banshee, smacked the stallion on the rump (and nearly got nipped in the process—bad pony), and used my index finger like a proper Wild West shotgun. Bang, bang!

A True Girl of the West, George Bancroft Cornish via Wikimedia Commons

The other actors were not as skilled and proficient as I was in the whole improvising realm, though, so things got a little weird for a while. The audience seemed to enjoy my portrayal greatly though, and that was the important thing.

In case you, too, want to enjoy participating in a Wild West reenactment, here are a few slang terms you really must learn:

Angelica: a young, unmarried woman

Amputate your timber: go away!

Jimmying a bull: shooting an officer

Kansas sheep dip: whiskey

Luddy-Mussy!: Lord have mercy!

Dough wrangler: the camp cook

See the elephant: going to town

Settle one’s hash: to properly punish

Seven by nine: someone of inferior quality (comes from the most common window-pane sizing)

Sparking: courting

Well, that’s enough skittles (nonsense) for now. I gotta join these small fries (kiddos) for some slapjacks (pancakes) with a side of taters and skunk eggs (onions) made in a spider (three-legged, cast-iron skillet), all in apple-pie order (tip-top shape)!

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 6,724 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—9,486 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ 

For this week’s Young Cultivator Each Other/Thank You! Beginner Level Merit Badge, I enlisted my handy-dandy, go-to, MBA newbies, Piper and Andy. No, it wasn’t just that they were the only two whippersnappers in my circle; it was actually their mother’s idea.

You see, she had noticed a bit of … well, negligent and perhaps slipshod behavior in her sweet little angels as of late.

Okay, I candy-coated it. What she really said was,

These gremlins who live with me and call me Mom have become entitled, selfish Twerpensteins with ATTITUDES. Suggestions?

Suggestions? Boy howdy, was I the farmgirl for the job!

You see, I too, have struggled with being negligent and slipshod an entitled, selfish Twerpenstein, and have recuperated nicely.

Hello, my name is MBA Jane and I am a recovering gremlin-with-an-attitude.

Hello, Jane!

I knew the root of the problem with the rugrats lay in their lackadaisical, cotton-pickin’ hearts. They needed a job, a purpose, a sense of thankfulness.

And maybe a cookie.

photo by Jason Lam via Wikimedia Commons

(Because everything—including jobs, purposes, and merit badges—go better with cookies).

In order to earn their Beginner Level badge, they simply needed to start a Gratitude Journal.

Easy peasy, lemon squeasy, righto? I mean, come on. Who doesn’t like to journal things in cute, little, cloth-bound booklets?

Evidently, Piper and Andy, that’s who.

You’d think I was pulling their teeth or forcing them to drink kale juice. The sounds of whining coming from my kitchen table practically made my ears bleed, I kid you not.

“But Auntie!” they cried, in unison, “It’s SUMMER! School is over! We refuse to learn anything! Bloody murder! I won’t do it! The pencil hurts my fingers! The paper smells weird! I need more cookies! This will give me Black Lung! You’ll be sorry when we’re dead!”

Yadda yadda yadda, etc. etc. etc., blah blah blah.

Trust me: I’ve toughened up since becoming an auntie. It’s not a job for the faint of heart. You need a will of iron, a spine of steel, a big heart, and a whole lotta chocolate chips.

After they realized I was not going to back down on this (and that their mother wasn’t going to let them come home until their attitudes changed), they cracked open their journals and buckled down. Well, sorta. Andy banged his head on the table a few more times for good measure, but after it made his eyes cross and I didn’t soften (but did hand him some ice), he sighed and got to work.

They were kind enough to let me read their lists:

• Cookies
• Summer vacation (or lack thereof, Auntie)
• Wifi
• Puppies and kittens
• Breakfast, lunch, and dinner
• Snacks
• Mom and Dad
• Friends
• Slumber parties
• Toenail polish
• Outdoor barbeques with the neighbors
• Horseback rides
• Shopping
• Holidays
• Tree climbing
• Blanket forts
• Movie nights
• Andy (don’t tell him I said that)
• Piper (don’t tell her I said that)
• Swimming
• Pets
• Pizza nights with the family
• Vacations
• Staycations
• Back to school outfits and supplies
• Lemonade stands

I thought it was a lovely list.

P.S. I may have forgotten to mention they have to write in these journals for two weeks to earn their badges.

photo by Danni Suplicki via Flickr.com

Ahem. Pray for me.

And send chocolate chips.

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 6,724 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—9,486 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ 

For this week’s Young Cultivator Make it Easy/Music Beginner Level Merit Badge, I knew I needed a brush-up on my own musical skills, so I decided to kill two birds with one stone. So to speak. No killing of anything required for this badge, Madge, rest assured.

I wrangled in my partner in Merit Badge earning crime, the ever-so-lovely Miss Piper, and I explained what we needed to do in order to earn this one. She said it sounded easy-peasy, but I reminded her that’s what we think about a lot of things in life until we try them.

photo by Stilfehler via Wikimedia Commons

“Remember leash-training the pot-bellied pig?” I asked. “The DIY flying trapeze? The year we went without Netflix? Yeah. That’s what I thought. Now, front and center!” (You have to be strict with kids. They like it, and it keeps them on their toes, which is always a good thing. I highly recommend cultivating a little suspicious fear in the whippersnappers whenever possible.)

We got to pick three songs and listen to them, trying to identify the different musical instruments used. This seemed like it wouldn’t be so difficult, but I made the mistake of letting Piper pick the first song. Evidently, I am old. I am not phat enough (what’d she call me?!) to fully appreciate the youngsters’ musical tastes these days. Still, I was game. I made a guess as to an instrument used,

“A kazoo?” I asked, desperately trying to hear some semblance of classical composition somewhere in the song. Anywhere. At all. “A trash-can lid? An underwater elephant with a sinus infection?”

“Aunt Jane! Come on now, that’s a bass guitar.”

“Ah. Yes. Totally was my next guess.”

Piper was a good sport and she let me pick the next song. I chose the melodious sounds of Simon and Garfunkel. My ears needed them after Piper’s pick.

Piper woke herself with a snort and wiped the drool off her chin (very funny, kid). “I’m gonna go with … um, a harp?”

Turns out, my instinct about how hard this badge was going to be was pretty on point. We attempted cataloging the instruments in a few other songs, but by then it was hard to hear our guesses because we were laughing so hard.

I’m not sure we learned much, but we definitely bonded. So that counts, right??

Next—when the giggles died down—we talked about harmony, melody, and rhythm.

photo by Nichelle Anderson via Wikimedia Commons

“Harmony,” said I, in my most astute voice, “is what we were just doing when my alto yodeling matched your soprano wailing.”

“And melody,” said Piper, getting into the spirit, “is what we both tend to ignore in favor of our own tune.”

“And rhythm,” I continued, “is a most excellent word to use in a game of Hangman.”

“Aunty, you are so wise.” Piper high-fived me. “Even if your musical taste is dreadful.”

Pshaw! Kids these days.

 The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 6,691 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—9,460 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ 

For this week’s Out There Kids/I Am A Survivor Young Cultivator Merit Badge, I snagged my little pal, Nora, and we got ready to put together some Survival Packs. Now, in order to earn this Beginner Level badge, we really only needed to make one, but never let it be said that I make things easy. Or cheaply. Or wisely. So I bought most of our supplies in bulk and we thought we’d make some for our friends and families. I mean, come on. Survival? It’s uh, kinda necessary stuff.

Also, I’ve been reading a lot of zombie novels, and it never hurts to be prepared. Just sayin’.

So Nora came over for the afternoon and we got to work assembling our supplies and packing our baggies. I was surprised at much she couldn’t identify, and the stuff she could identify, she didn’t know why anyone would ever need. So, all in all, our afternoon stretched into the evening. That kid can ask a lot of questions …

Such as:

What’s this weird-looking thing? (Weird-looking thing is a poncho.)

What’s a poncho? I thought a poncho was a type of Alpaca. (Uh, no. It’s a light, rainproof jacket.)

Good, cuz I don’t think we’ll fit an Alpaca in these little bags! HAHA! (Very funny, dear. Let’s try to focus now.)

Whoa! You’re going to give me a pocketknife? SCORE! (Fold that up, please. You’re obviously not ready for that.)

What’s the whistle for? *blows it* Signaling prairie dogs? Practicing my cheers? (For calling for help, you mini weirdo. Stop blowing that thing!)

This is the gnarliest blanket I’ve ever seen! (It’s a space blanket.)

We’re going into space? This Merit Badge stuff ROCKS. (Just hand it here. Sigh.)

Yum, candy. (IN. THE. BAG. MISSY.)

What’s the cord for? *narrows eyes suspiciously* Are we planning on kidnapping someone? (Of course not! What an idea!)

I’m just sayin’… rope, pocketknife, candy … If I find duct tape, Auntie Jane, I’m telling Mom. (Quit it, candy breath.)

I don’t wanna be an accessory to your life of crime, Aunty. (*sigh*)

A mirror? So, like, we can check our makeup while help arrives? Or to see if our rescuers are vampires? (Very funny. It’s for reflecting.)

Wahoo! Matches! I love fire! (IN. THE. BAG.)

Oh, I have one of these already. A first aid kit, right? (Right.)

Whew. That whole thing took a while. We ended up eating most of the candy and granola bars, so we’ll have to replenish those. Nora lovingly used a Sharpie to label the bags, and then she placed them all in a basket, and skipped cheerfully around the ‘hood to pass them out. She was like a Little Red Riding Hood. I wiped a single, proud tear away as I watched her from my porch.

She even left me one, the little sweetie. Then I peered closer at her labeling job:

Zombie Apocalypse Supply Kit (Not For Use For Kidnapping) – BYOC (Bring Your Own Candy)

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 6,691 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—9,460 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ 

For this week’s Stitching and Crafting/Origami Intermediate Level Merit Badge, I began to see paper in a whole new light.

Little bits of trash that rustled through the alleyway? Origami would be-s.

Gum wrappers that mysteriously find their way into the bottom of my car? Paper cranes waiting to happen. Spearmint scented cranes, no less.

Photo by Michael Day via Wikimedia Commons

Wadded-up manuscripts and doodled-on sheets of lined notebook paper? Origami babies.

I collected and smoothed out used tissue paper, I hoarded paper grocery sacks, I bought stacks of scrapbook squares at yard sales, and I even began eyeing my trees with a gleam in my peepers (was there a paper-making badge?).

I was hooked. I loved having something to do with my hands when I misplaced my knitting needles or was stumped on my Great American Novel or couldn’t find the remote control. It gave me something to do when I was waiting in the coffee drive-thru lane for my Organic Almond Latte with Whip. Plus, it was fun making something out of nearly nothing, and I gotta say, my neighbor kids thought I was a genius. Forget balloon animals: origami brings a grin to everybody’s faces. (And they don’t pop or fly away. Score!)

To earn my Intermediate Level Origami Badge I needed to make:

• Three different kinds of animals
• Three different kinds of shapes
• Three different kinds of flowers

Photo by Caroline Gagné via Flickr.com

Only nine in all? Pshaw! Why, I could do that, no problem. I turned to Pinterest for some how-tos and inspiration, and naturally, I tumbled right down a bunny trail of distractions.

Pinterest can be detrimental to an easily distracted gal like Yours Truly. I tell myself to look for origami pandas and I end up baking an Oatmeal Cake with Pecan Glaze. I sternly get back to looking up origami swan nests and I find myself entertained for hours by mustache designing. I go back for origami stars and I binge watch gifs of kittens.

Sigh.

It’s a problem. These badges seem to take forever … maybe it’s me.

Me and my addiction to wine-cork art notions.

Double sigh.

Anyway, after finding some totes adorbs origami puppies (and also learning how to French braid a poodle, but that is neither here nor there), I finally folded my last crease. I had done it:

• An origami Dalmatian, a duck, and a dinosaur
• An origami heart, a star, and a box
• An origami tulip, a lily, and a pansy

It’s not every day you can add all that to your arts and crafts resume, chickadees.

(And learn to build a fairy house out of wine corks. Not to mention, the DIY plastic surgery. Though I may rethink that one).

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 6,691 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—9,460 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ 

For this week’s Each Other/Get ‘er Done Intermediate Level Merit Badge, my friends organized a sneak attack. You see, they knew about my Merit Badge addiction hobby, and they were waiting for a good opportunity to strike.

One of them decided to move.

Yeah.

That glorious life change of changing houses.

Boxes, boxes, and more boxes, as far as the eyes could see.

Photo by Mixe2021 via Wikimedia Commons

And they knew I would roll up my sleeves and help a farmgirl out.

I’d be resentful of their cotton-pickin’, strategic, evil-genius-like, shenanigans … if I weren’t so begrudgingly admiring of them.

So, roll up my sleeves I did, and we were off for a full weekend of that great American pastime: moving.

There was an eight-hour minimum time commitment involved in earning my Badge, and just the thought made me laugh maniacally and curl up in the fetal position. I had already promised to finish the job with my pal—eight hours smeight hours—so I was in it for the long haul.

Get it? Haul? U-Haul? Hah.

I could probably earn six Intermediate Level Badges with the contents of this gal’s house, I swear. Minimalist, she is not.

Groan. Throw myself prostate on the floor.

Weep a little.

But back to work! At least it’s not the Hottest Day of the Year, or the Rainiest, or the Coldest (which is when I tend to my own personal moving days in the past). I could probably control weather patterns just by scheduling moving days, actually. Something to think about as a career, Janey: meteorologist/professional mover. Hm. If the Organic Sushi on a Stick Drive-Thru doesn’t pan out …

Unpacking and putting things away in a new house is kinda fun. Packing and cleaning the old house? Not. So. Fun. About as much fun as gnawing off your own eyebrows, which is basically what I felt like doing 7.5 hours in. We started off organized enough: boxes labeled in nice black permanent marker, helpful things like Kitchen Baking, or Non-fiction Books, or Pantry Dry Goods. But then, exhaustion and hunger and wild-eyed craziness set it, and pretty soon I was labeling boxes Lift with Your Legs, Dummy, and Why Do You Even Need These? and These Could Be Replaced at the Dollar General So Why Are You Making Me Pack Them? and my personal favorite, I Sold My Soul to Pack Your Junk Drawer.

I was getting hangry (angry due to hunger), so we stopped for a pizza break. After a nice slice (or four) of a Hawaiian and Jalapeno special, I felt slightly less sarcastic and umm … slightly less like I might murder the next person who misplaced the packing tape. We settled back into a rhythm of wrap, pack, tape, label, repeat, and before we knew it approximately three lifetimes later, we were done.

Well, except for the cleaning of the old house so she can get her deposit back.

Groan.

Weep.

Throw myself prostrate on the floor.

There better be another badge in it for me. I don’t know if I can make it.

Please send cookies.

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 6,691 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—9,460 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ 

For this week’s Farm Kitchen/Unprocessed Kitchen Expert Level Merit Badge, my plan was simple: My girlfriends and I were going to get our significant others (not to mention small ankle biters … ahem, I mean, children) to eat more salad.

You know. Bunny food.

Amid the wailing and gnashing of teeth from the menfolk, we concocted a plan: Come up with some super-yummy, homemade, DIY, organic salad dressings that would make our muscle men, our Hercules, our testosterone-laden overgrown boys swoon for vegetables.

We spent weeks preparing. The men piped down and slowly stopped peering suspiciously in the fridge (probably due to their lack of energy from eating too much red meat and not enough lettuce). Our logic was simple: Swamp ‘em with flavor. Drown ‘em in deliciousness. Spoon them swirls of ranch-flavored goodness, and they’d never even notice the absence of animal flesh.

And the rugrats? What kind of child could resist a poppy seed and strawberry salad? Or a blueberry honey dressing? Or a barbeque chicken chopped salad? They would be powerless to resist the lure of our potluck.

Each farmgirl brought their A game, so to speak. We brought only the best concoctions to our get-together. And the menfolk? Fat Slim and happy.

Photo by jeffreyw via Wikimedia Commons

But that could be partially due to my homemade bacon bits, I don’t know.

Homemade Bacon Bits

Thinly slice bacon (I like to use kitchen shears), Cook until crisp and drain on paper towels. Flash freeze in a single layer on a cookie sheet for about 10 minutes. Place in jar or a ziplock bag and keep in freezer. They’ll defrost quickly, and you can pull them out whenever you need a shake on your salad or baked potato. Or whenever you’re jonesin’ for bacon.

Asian Dressing (perfect for regular salad, but even better on pasta salad, with plenty of colorful veggies mixed in)

• 1/2 cup extra virgin olive oil
• 1/4 cup soy sauce
• juice of 1 lime
• a handful of poppy seeds and a handful of sesame seeds
• 2 cloves garlic, finely minced
• 2 small shallots, finely minced (can substitute red onion)
• 1 t honey
• 1 t minced fresh ginger
• a splash of rice vinegar or apple-cider vinegar (more if you like it tangy, or if you’re omitting the lime)
• salt and pepper to taste

Photo by Takeaway via Wikimedia Commons

Summer Rolls (they’re like salad, to go!)

• rice-paper sheets (If your grocery store doesn’t stock them, try an Asian market. They’re less than $2 for a large package.)
• thinly sliced vegetables of your choice (Good options are: purple and green cabbage, green onions, carrots, edamame, chiffonade-style spinach or kale (roll up, then slice the rolls), any and all types of lettuce, sugar-snap peas, fresh asparagus, julienned cucumbers, or zucchini.)
• fresh mint and/or cilantro
• shrimp or chicken (optional)
• homemade Asian dressing (see above)
• cooked Asian noodles or crunchy ones (optional)
• peanuts (optional)

Soak rice paper in hot water, one at a time, until pliable (around 30 seconds). Lay flat on a kitchen towel (it will stick to your counter, so a towel works well). Lay your ingredients in the middle, drizzle with dressing, and roll as you would a burrito (sides in first). Roll tightly! This takes some practice. If your rice paper tears, just toss it and try again. The fillings for these are practically endless: try a Buffalo Chicken one with blue cheese and celery, or a Mexican-flavored roll with a taco salad filling. Perfect for lunches and great for little hands, too. Not to mention, they look amazing and you just might get the cover of your favorite foodie magazine …

Bloody Mary Chopped Salad

• very ripe tomatoes (halved cherry tomatoes are the prettiest)

• celery, thinly sliced on the diagonal

• red onion, thinly sliced

• your best dill pickles (homemade if you’ve got ‘em), chopped (could also use capers)

• 1 T celery seed

• shrimp (optional)

• 1/3 cup clam juice, vegetable juice, or tomato juice

• splash of Tabasco (adjust to taste)

• 4 T Worcestershire sauce

• 1/4 cup olive oil

• 3 T horseradish (adjust to taste)

• 1 T Dijon mustard

• black pepper and salt, to taste

• wedge of lime for each serving

Toss together and let marinate for an hour or so. All ingredients are “eye-balled,” depending on how spicy and flavorful you like it. And of course, if the kiddies aren’t partaking, you could always soak your tomatoes in vodka before chopping …

Photo by anders pearson via Wikimedia Commons

Pink Strawberry and Poppy Seed Dressing

• 1 cup fresh strawberries
• 1/3 cup white balsamic vinegar
• 2 T coconut oil, extra virgin olive oil, or avocado oil
• 1 clove garlic, minced
• salt and pepper to taste
• 2 T poppy seeds
• a drizzle of honey (depending on the sweetness of your strawberries)

Combine in blender. Store in fridge. If using coconut oil, you’ll want to bring to room temperature before pouring. This makes a beautiful pink dressing, perfect for the pretty princesses in your life.

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 6,629 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—9,365 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ 

For this week’s Get ‘er Done Expert Level Merit Badge, I was already sore and in the swing of things from helping my farmgirl friend move houses (and thereby earning my Intermediate Level Badge), so I decided to go with the flow and earn my Expert Level Merit Badge next. A house built by Habitat for Humanity was going up right down the street from me, and it was just the thing.

Photo, Navy Visual News Service via Wikimedia Commons

Twelve hours required for this badge, and I was rip roarin’ ready to go.

It took a while to prepare. I mean, I couldn’t just show up with a hammer and call it good. No, siree! They would know I was a novice. I knew exactly what to do: after all, I have watched Seven Brides for Seven Brothers often enough.

I knew how to raise a barn—how could building a house be any different?

I made several pies (rhubarb, raisin and sour cream, egg custard, and good old-fashioned apple), ironed my best country dancing dress, practiced my DoSeDo Flutterwheel Reverse Square dance moves, and headed out.

I would have hitched the horses up to the buggy and arrived that way, all proper style and all, but I don’t have a horse.

Or a buggy.

Photo by dee & tula via Wikimedia Commons

I plan to remedy that eventually, though. They’re on my grocery list, right before buckwheat flour and right after tropical fish food.

Anyway, I was surprised and kind of disappointed that none of the other volunteers were as prepared as me. It’s a good thing I brought so many pies, because evidently all the others forgot. At least I’ll win the blue ribbon, so all was not lost.

They also seemed a little under-dressed for the occasion, but I let that one slide.

They also were a shy bunch. Why, it took me at least an hour to get a dance going! Part of that time was trying to roll the nearest felled tree over to the dancing area, though. That was tough. But I made it, and when everyone quit staring (they really weren’t the most self-motivated group, I gotta say), I demonstrated a little quickstep atop it. Of course, I knew my limits and I didn’t do any backflips or add in any ax swings at the same time, but I must say, I have feet like lightening!

After that, I kind of expected a fight to break out over which girls wanted to marry which guys, but the volunteers were sort of a focused bunch, and instead we put up some walls.

I guess walls are good, too.

I kept my eyes out for a batch of good-looking, single brothers (you know … for my single, good-looking girlfriends, of course) but no one seemed related. Or single. Or good looking.

All in all, I had a nice time and earned my badge, but the whole experience was a little strange.

It’s almost like people don’t know how to properly do these things. They did appreciate my pies, though.

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 6,571 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—9,327 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ 

For this week’s Farm Kitchen Know Your Food Intermediate Level Merit Badge, Part 2, I soldiered on with my all-homegrown/local/organic dinner at my friend’s home. As I mentioned before, these friends, while near and dear, were not exactly farmgirls, and nary an organic ANYTHING had passed their lips.

They had enjoyed their first heirloom tomato though, and that’s when I got cocky.

The homemade wheatgrass, maple syrup, kale, and green-apple smoothie was not a hit.

Photo by Kari Sullivan via Wikimedia Commons

The looks of horror on their faces though … priceless.

I had to start smaller. And quick, before they ordered a High Fructose Corn Syrup and Preservative Pizza and locked me outta their house.

Hastily, I assembled the ingredients for my next course:

Chicken and Bacon Panini Sandwiches with Homemade Roasted Garlic Aioli and Sweet Potato Fries

• Homemade or locally made and organic, good-quality bread. I used white, as we were easing into this territory with my friends and had learned my lesson with the kale smoothie. I wasn’t sure they were ready for my Fifteen Grain Whole Wheat and Sprouted Barley Dark Rye Bread …

• Organic butter from happy cows

• Organic chicken breasts, pounded thin and grilled in organic extra virgin olive oil

• Nitrate-free bacon slices (sprinkle with a little brown sugar or honey for some extra sweetness)

• Heirloom tomato slices (unless your guests already ate them)

• Baby lettuce/spinach/sprouts, whatever floats your green boat

• Red onion

Butter bread. Assemble sandwiches and grill in a Panini press, or in a pan with a very heavy pot placed atop your sandwich. You can add the lettuce after grilling if you like, but I don’t mind a nice charred Romaine, myself.

photo by Tmannya via Wikimedia Commons

Homemade Roasted Garlic Aioli

• 3/4 cup organic olive oil

• The juice and zest of one lemon

• Several cloves of roasted garlic (homegrown if you have it). How many depends on your taste; I recommend at least three! Extra delish, and keeps the vampires away, to boot.

• 2 egg yolks from happy, free-range, organically-fed chickens

• Salt and pepper to taste

Use a blender or food processor to combine everything except the olive oil. Drizzle oil in in a steady, but thin, stream as you blend.

Sweet Potato Fries

• Sweet potatoes or yams from your garden. I like to figure two potatoes per foodie.

• Olive oil

• Salt and pepper

Slice potatoes the way you like ‘em: shoestring style or steak-house style. Drop them in a large pot of boiling and salted water. Leave ‘em there in their bath for 15 minutes or so.

Drain.

Line up on a baking sheet that’s been wiped with olive oil (or organic oil of your choosing). Drizzle a little more oil on top. Sprinkle liberally with salt and pepper. Bake at 400ºF for about 20 minutes, flipping halfway.

—————

My “come to you” dinner party was a rousing success. Not only were the sandwiches a huge hit, but my skeptical eaters devoured the fries. They said they were even better than McCarl’s Burger Dairy Jr. and the Roasted Garlic Aioli was much tastier than Miracle Whip.

I swallowed my horror and pride and took it as a compliment.