Fuddy Duddy status (Part 1 of “Out There” Women)

Wondering who I am? I’m Merit Badge Awardee Jane (MBA Jane for short). In my former life … 

“No way.”

That was my first reaction.

“Get OUT!” came in a close second.

Curious?

Well, then, you asked.

I’m alluding to the …

… GoGirl. What’s a GoGirl, you ask? As the name spiritedly (if somewhat surreptitiously) implies, the GoGirl is … let me check their website again to see how they frame it.

“… a female urination device (FUD).”

For real.

I understand; you’re doubting me. It’s an involuntary reaction. After I learned a little bit more about this “device” from its surprisingly smart and stylish website, I decided I was okay with it, so much so that I had to share.

No, not IT, the website.

Who knows? It may just become this traveling gal’s best friend.

Here’s how the GoGirl site defines the device:

“Simply put, GoGirl is the way to stand up to crowded, disgusting, distant, or non-existent bathrooms. It’s a female urination device that allows you to urinate while standing up. It’s neat. It’s discreet. It’s hygienic.”

So tasteful it almost qualifies as table talk. Well … almost.

But, seriously, I have encountered situations in which the GoGirl would have saved me untold embarrassment. I’ll bet you have too. Remember the time …

Right, we won’t even GO there.

(Well, maybe for just a minute.) How about when a guy on the road has to pee at night and there’s no rest stop in sight? Easy. Pull over and stand there, discreetly checking the air in the passenger front tire. If a pair of headlights hit, he turns ever so slightly, averting his …

No problem. Done.

For a girl, those headlights illuminate a full moon. Plumber’s butt ten-fold. Should your caught-off-guard embarrassment stop you mid-stream, well, we all know the consequences of a mid-stream stop. And what girl hasn’t risked life and limb by hiking into the bushes in a pair of high heels. Lions, tigers, and bears, oh my.

And, ewwwh, how about public restrooms? For the longest time, I did the full-muscle crouch to avoid contact with the seat UNTIL that time in NYC when my pee was hitting the waist of my pants the entire time and filling up my dressy black tuxedo skinny jeans pant leg. Ewwwh.

And I imagine it would also be a handy-dandy camping tool for ladies who aren’t crazy about crouching in the woods. Glamour camping all the way. Go pink. (The device is pink. Well, not pure hot pink. More like pink lavender.)

So to earn my beginner level merit badge for “Out There” Women, I’m putting together a survival pack that includes waterproof matches, mirror to signal rescuers, whistle, energy bar, rain poncho, first aid supplies, nylon cord, pocketknife, and … pink GoGirl (my addition).

Made of medical grade silicone, the GoGirl tucks flexibly into a purse, pocket, or glove compartment. And, yes, it’s reusable. As the manufacturer clarifies, “Urine is sterile, but the product can come into contact with contaminants during use, so take precautions when cleaning.” Wash well with hot, soapy water, or clean with a handy wipe, dry thoroughly, and you’re good to …

… GoGirl.

Buy it at Amazon, Cambria Bicycle Outfitter, or Bass Pro Shops for about $10.

Then visit the GoGirl website to learn how to use it.  (No demos. I’m not going there. It’s a private matter.)

So, here are my burning questions. Could this be the end of UTI’s now that I no longer “hold it” in tricky situations? Are you gonna buy a FUD?

I’m going to. In fact, my FUD has been ordered. My FUD will be kept in my purse. I think my FUD will not be a dud. I think my FUD will be the end of PUD-ency (look it up). I think my FUD will not be a mere fudacious fancy (okay, fugacious, look that up).

Hey, I’m fine with turning into a fuddy duddy as far as the next pair of headlights is concerned. (My FUD keeps me from fuddling????) I just have to make sure that when I’m on the fly, I travel WITH a fly … in my jeans. So from here on out, I’m all zipped up when asked about my secret little pink something or other.

No more traveling with my pink potty. I’m a girl on the go, point-n-shoot for me from now on. Goodbye potty, so long bidet (dictionary, girls). My FUD has given me the privileges of a pud (again, dictionary, but not “short for British pudding.”:)

I know, I know, somebody stop her.