The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 4,690 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—6,500 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ
Wondering who I am? I’m Merit Badge Awardee Jane (MBA Jane for short). In my former life …
In Part I of this beginner level Stitching and Crafting Nellie Will-do Badge, I gathered all my supplies for my “What Not to Sit Upon” upholstery makeover. Then I got hungry and took a break. Now, we’re ready to roll. Staple gun in hand, I’m all business.
Speaking of the staple gun, that thing is a beast! My thumbs will be sore for weeks, I do believe. (My texting is really going to suffer. I may have to *gasp!* call someone! Like, with my voice. I’m not sure I remember how to do that. Why, I haven’t held a phone to my ear in, like, forever.) Also, it’s quite loud—the gun, I mean. When I finally got it to fire correctly, I screamed and ducked and nearly ran for cover. Of course, I’ve been watching too many crime dramas, so I may have thought for a moment I was in the middle of a drive-by.
Lucky for me, I didn’t staple my fingers to anything, though it was a near escape for them at one point when I was stretching fabric with the same fervor I stretch my skinny jeans with when they’re fresh out of the dryer. I think I pulled a muscle. Stretch, pull, wrap, staple … repeat a squillion and one half times. Whew! I managed to finish the ottoman, and even added some lovely rickrack trim. I wanted to go nuts and put a tufted button on top, but I could no longer feel my thumbs and the thought of threading a needle made me teary. It looked so good I nearly karate chopped Mr. Wonderful when he wandered in and tried to put his boots on it. This baby is strictly for decorative purposes, I told him, and he looked at me like I had lobsters crawling out of my ears. Then he mentioned something about hoping I didn’t apply that logic to the couch and recliner. The recliner! I forgot about the recliner. Rounded edges. Eek!
Anyway, I wanted to call it a day, but honestly, my beautiful geometric ottoman was really shaming my pink, flowery couch. They were NOT a match made in heaven. Opposites do not attract in the case of textiles, IMO. Unfortunately though, I was out of muffins at this point, so Mr. Wonderful and I threw some ribs on the grill.
And needless to say, with all this necessary belly fuel, the skinny jeans will be staying in the dryer until I have safely earned this badge. And don’t expect any texts from me for the next few days.
