Relaxation Merit Badge

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 5,518 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—7,301 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ

For this week’s Make It Easy/Relaxation Merit Badge, I was eager to tackle the Intermediate Level. Although with this badge, I suppose the phrase “tackle it” is a bit of a misnomer. I eased into the Intermediate Level, took some deep, cleansing breaths in the general direction of Level Two, and made my way there at the speed of snail.

And I’m off like a herd of turtles!

Okay, okay, I’m exaggerating. We all remember how easily Level One did NOT come to me. Who knew relaxing could be so difficult? I started with five minutes, working my way up to the coup de grace, 15 whole minutes of relaxing! Every day! For two weeks!

My mind was blown. This is tougher than it sounds. Don’t believe me? Try it. But start with the Beginning Level, my little chickadees. Ready for Level Two, you are not. Teach you, I will.

My 15 minutes the first day felt like an hour. Seriously. I kept poking my head up from my prostate position in my hammock on my porch (my designated relaxing spot) to check the time. This is a no-no, because, of course, in order to check the time, I checked my phone. And checking the phone reminds me that I never:

answered that text

updated my Facebook status (“Chillaxin’ on the porch …” accompanied by a photo of my bare feet as proof)

tweeted something witty and memorable

participated in that pod cast

instagram-ed my lunch (Quinoa salad with toast. What? It was photogenic!)

took my turn on my Scrabble ap

So, anyway, Level Two was kicking my tushie. I started over, feeling pretty good about my repentance and dedication and stick-to-it-ness, even if I was failing in some other areas (like earning this cotton pickin’ badge!).

This time, I hid my phone inside the house, where I couldn’t be tempted to do seventy-eleven-squillion things. Then I turned on a soothing Pandora station on my kitchen radio and opened the windows so I could hear it from my hammock. I chose a nice, mellow station, something you would hear at a spa. It mingled nicely with the sound of my chickens clucking around the yard, an occasional car driving by, and the snoring of my Pomeranian, who, by the way, has NO trouble earning this badge. Seriously. This dog could be the Chapter Leader Guru of the Relaxation Badge. He’s like the Dumbledore of Naps or something.

With the breeze ruffling my curly locks and my body being hugged by the hammock, my tummy full of quinoa, and no phone to distract me, I started to drift off. I was getting it! I was relaxing! The exciting thought woke me up with a jerk.

Curses!

I flipped myself over like a cheese omelet and started again. Slowly, my stress melted away and I was back in that relaxing place. I forced myself not to count the songs I was hearing, but instead, to lose myself in the moment.

Two hours later, I woke up with a snort and nearly fell off the hammock.

Totally nailed it!

Note to you: if your relaxation spot is outdoors, apply sunscreen.