Is it a bird? … a plane? …

No, it’s a cow.

If we could trace the ancestry of my Miss Daisy far, far back, we would find a link to something called an auroch—the foremother of the modern-day cow. Wild aurochs were large, lean cattle who roamed the plains of Europe, Asia, and Africa by the millions. Auroch remains have been found that are thought to be 2 million years old.

Photo by Prof saxx via Wikimedia Commons

Aurochs were still plentiful in the time of the Roman Empire, but aggressive hunting resulted in near extinction by the 13th century, when only nobles, and later royals, were allowed to hunt them, and poaching was punishable by death. The last known cow died in 1627 in Poland.

Efforts are now underway to “breed back” the species using modern DNA technology. A European breeding program has resulted in hundreds of second- and third-generation crossbreed cattle that resemble the auroch, and scientists hope to find a way to take DNA from the bones of aurochs in museums and recreate a modern-day clone.

Photo from The National Museum of Denmark via Wikimedia Commons. An auroch dating to 7500 BC, one of two well-preserved aurochs skeletons found in Denmark. The circles indicate where the animal was wounded by arrows.

What’s next … a domesticated T Rex??! Fetch, Dino!

Do you remember Mad Libs?

First published in 1958, this cleverly kooky word game soon became a household name, and kids of all ages are still crazy about it today. In case you’ve somehow been left out of the Lib loop, Wikipedia’s official definition for the game reads, “Mad Libs is a phrasal template word game where one player prompts others for a list of words to substitute for blanks in a story, before reading the often comical or nonsensical story aloud. The game is frequently played as a party game or as a pastime.”

Knowing my love of word play, I’m sure you won’t be surprised to see that I’ve made up my own farm-themed “phrasal template” (an ag lib?) for you. It takes at least two people to play, so consider it a good excuse to gather up a friend (or three) for a little midday silliness.

To Play:

• Print my “Ag” Lib story, below, or cut and paste it into a Word document.
• Read the story silently, pausing to ask the other player(s) to provide words to fill in the blanks, according to the parts of speech in parentheses.
• Jot their words in the blanks.
• When all blanks are full, read the story aloud to the other player(s), and get ready to giggle.
• Just remember: the goofier the word choices, the more laughs you’ll share when you read the finished story.

MaryJane’s “Ag” Lib:
Good Morning, Farm!

One _______________ (adjective describing the weather) autumn day, Farmer Jane woke up and gasped, “_______________ (Interjection)! I’m late for milking _______________ (name, female)!”

She _______________ (verb, past tense) out of bed and yawned _______________ (adverb) as she pulled on her favorite pair of _______________ (adjective) rubber boots and a _______________ (type of fabric) hat. Out the door she _______________ (verb, past tense).

On her way to the big _______________ (adjective, color) barn, Farmer Jane passed the _______________ (adjective describing sound) chicken coop. “Alright, girls,” she called to her _______________ (adjective) hens, opening their gate. “Out you go!”

She tossed the hens a few pieces of _______________ (noun, type of food) from her pocket and continued on her way.

Jane had hardly passed the coop when she was _______________ (adverb) stopped in her tracks by her big, _______________ (adjective) farm dog, _______________ (name, masculine). He’d come _______________ (verb ending in -ing) frantically out of the pasture and now skidded to a halt in front of Jane.

He held up his paw and whined _______________ (adverb). She lifted the dog’s paw and looked underneath.

“_______________ (Interjection)!” Jane exclaimed.

There was a _______________ (adjective describing size) _______________ (noun, object) stuck right between the poor pup’s toes! Since Jane couldn’t grab the _______________ (same noun, object) with her bare fingers, she had to _______________ (verb, present tense) to the tool shed and fetch the _______________ (noun, type of tool). “This should do the trick!”

Farmer Jane told the dog to roll over, and he stayed perfectly _______________ (adjective) as she yanked the pesky problem from his fur.

Stuffing the _______________ (same type of tool) into her pocket, Jane _______________ (verb, past tense) on toward the barn. Her tummy was _______________ (verb describing sound, ending in -ing), but there was no time to eat. She would fix herself a big platter of _______________ (noun, type of food) after milking.

Jane _______________ (verb, past tense) _______________ (adverb) into the barn without watching where she was going and landed … _______________ (interjection)! … in the middle of a fresh pie. And it was NOT the pumpkin variety, if you know what I mean.

“Oh, _______________ (same female name as in the first line of the story),” Jane sighed.

The gentle Jersey turned her head, glowering at Jane as if to say, “You’re late!”

Farmer Jane pulled her boot _______________ (adverb) from the _______________ (adjective) pile and and nodded at the cow.

“Okay,” she said _______________ (adverb). “I guess I deserved that.”

Without further ado, Jane sat down on her _______________ (noun, object) beside _______________ (same female name as in the first line of the story) and got to work.

The End!

If you completed your silly story in a Word document, I would LOVE it if you’d copy it in the comments below (I only ask that you keep it kid-friendly, my dears).

Have you been a victim of this startling salutation—even though you’re a gal?! (No GUY in sight.) The first time it happened to me, I chuckled, thinking, “Oh my, this new generation is so … so … casual! Whatever happened to “Hello, ma’am,” or “Ms. Butters, may I …?”

But, according to Dictionary.com—an invaluable resource in my business, and one that has occasional fun tidbits about word usage—the term “dudes” has been around since 1883. In that year, the New-York Mirror described dudes as “tight-trousered, brief-coated, eye-glassed, fancy-vested, sharp-toed shod” gents in the Big Apple. And “duding up” meant to dress up in your fanciest finery.

A few decades later, in the 1920s, the term “dude ranch” came into our lexicon, meaning a vacation ranch catering to “dudes” (translate: “city slickers”). You know, a vacation where you could wear your fanciest cowgirl-like garb and go out West where handsome cowboys actually worked from atop real horses.

Lynne Roberts & Roy Rogers in Billy the Kid Returns via Wikimedia Commons

Fast-forward to the ever-so-casual 2000s, where “dude” now has an official entry in the dictionary, simply described as “a general term of address used to a man, woman, or group.” And lest you think “dude” was previously a gender-specific term only for “dudes,” as we baby-boomers sometimes called members of the male gender, the term has apparently always had a female counterpart. Dudette, Valley girls? Nope, that would be “dudine,” as appeared in Stories of a Country Doctor, by Willis Percival King in 1891: “She was between 60 and 70 years of age at this time and was as pronounced a specimen of the type dudine as I ever saw.”

Okay dude … let’s get on our fancy duds, pony up, and get to one of those ranches where handsome cowboys ride the range. You in? Hey, speaking of dudines, today my daughter, Megan, turns 35. Meggie dude, you are THE dudette, duder motor skooter!!!!! I love you madly. Seriously. Madly. In. Love w/YOU.

While working on a recent issue of our magazine, we ran across the word “syllabub.” No, not like, “Hey bully boy bubba, how many syllabulls do you think this word has?” but more like “My favorite part of the Thanksgiving meal is the traditional syllabub.”

sil–uh-buhb

noun

From the Oxford English Dictionary:
A drink or dish made of milk (freq. as drawn from the cow) or cream, curdled by the admixture of wine, cider, or other acid, and often sweetened and flavoured.

A later variation, known as an Everlasting Syllabub, adds a stabilizer such as gelatin or corn starch.

detail, “The Sense of Taste” by Philip Mercier (circa 1689-1760)

“Lemon Syllabub”
from The Experienced English Housekeeper, by Elizabeth Raffald, London 1784

Put a pint of cream to a pint of white wine, then rub a quarter of a pound of loaf sugar upon the out rind of two lemons, till you have got out all the essence, then put the sugar to the cream, and squeeze in the juice of both lemons, let it stand for two hours, then mill them with a chocolate mill, to raise the froth, and take it off with a spoon as it rises, or it will make it heavy, lay it upon a hair sieve to drain, then fill your glasses with the remainder, and lay on the froth as high as you can, let them stand all night and they will be clear at the bottom.~

Wine pudding? Not so sure about that. And I’ve mislaid my hair sieve …

But leave it to my favorite British cook, Nigella Lawson, to provide us with a very yummy-sounding modern adaptation, Turkish Delight Syllabub, that uses orange liqueur instead, topped with pistachios. That’s something I could wrap my spoon around! Now, if only I can get Sally O’Malley to draw me a picture and figure out what an admixture is!

Nigella Lawson, Turkish Delight Syllabub

Word quiz time!

I stumbled across an old favorite poem, “Rice Pudding,” by A.A. Milne (of Winnie the Pooh fame), and the following lines inspired me to craft this, er, cantankerous little quiz:

“What is the matter with Mary Jane?

She’s crying with all her might and main,

And she won’t eat her dinner—rice pudding again—

What is the matter with Mary Jane?”

Giggle.

So, with Milne’s Mary Jane in mind, match the terms below with their meanings, listed further below. But don’t click on “read more” until you’re ready for the answers.

I’ll give you one hint: all of the words are nouns that refer to people with certain, shall we say … unsavory dispositions.

WORDS:

1. blatherskite

2. snollygoster

3. makebate

4. mumpsimus

5. kibitzer

6. mullygrubber

7. fabulist

MEANINGS:

A. a grump

B. someone who incites quarrels

C. a person given to voluble, empty talk

D. a clever, unscrupulous person

E. a liar

F. a giver of uninvited or unwanted advice, or someone who jokes, chitchats, or makes wisecracks

G. someone who holds stubbornly to a viewpoint in spite of clear evidence that it’s wrong

ANSWERS:

Continue reading →

It’s not every day that one happens upon a word as fabulous as:

Flibbertigibbet.

I mean, really, it’s almost addictive—you can’t help but giggle when you say it …

Flib-er-tee-jib-it.

Try it three times fast and see if you can keep a straight face.

Something of an unsung onomatopoeia, flibbertigibbet (see, I had to say it again) refers to a talkative, flighty, “light-headed” person. While its origin is obscure, Dictionary.com tells us that this 15th-century term “is thought have been formed as an imitative representation of the sound of chatter or gossip.”

Are you thinking what I’m thinking?

Flib-er-tee-flib-er-tee-flib-er-tee-JIB-IT!

Of course, here and now, amid the modernity of the 21st century, we politely shy away from placing gender restrictions upon our adjectives, but, for the record, flibbertigibbet is generally reserved for young women. So, I suppose this would be more fitting …

Photo by HerbertT via Wikimedia Commons

And, speaking of poultry, you may recall the gabbling goose in E.B. White’s Charlotte’s Web declaring, “I am no Flibberty-ibberty-gibbet.”

Image courtesy of Wikipedia

Perhaps the one instance of flibbertigibbet’s utterance that packs the most parodic panache, however, is this (click to listen) …

Unless you’re one of the few devoted fans of the 1990 film Joe Versus the Volcano …

Theatrical release poster courtesy of Wikimedia

… you may not recognize the satirically sultry speaker as actress Meg Ryan, playing the ravishing (if a bit bird-brained) redhead, Angelica Graynamore.

Your turn to get flibbertigibbety. Cluck away in the comments, dear hens.

Listen …

Photo by Hakan Dahlstrom via Wikimedia Commons

You can run, but you can’t hide!

Photo by Steve Povey via Wikimedia Commons

The gallinippers are out for blood!

Yup, gallinippers.

They’re not vile villains from a scary sci-fi movie (although they do fit the bill).

Image from Bill Nye’s History of the United States (1894) via Wikimedia Commons

Gallinippers, as some of you may know, are mosquitoes.

Specifically, BIG ones.

Photo by Edibobb via Wikimedia Commons

Gallinipper (GAL-uh-nip-er): any of various insects that sting or bite, especially a large American mosquito, Psorophora ciliata (shown in the photo above).

Eeeks!

So, have you been lucky (or sly) enough to avoid these annoying and potentially dangerous pests this year?

If not, Erin McIntosh of Mountain Rose Herbs is here to help. Check out her recipes for non-toxic DIY repellants and bite-soothing spray.

Natural Bug Repellents for Summer Fun

The first recipe is a flower-water-based spray and the second recipe uses oil for a longer-lasting solution. Both contain catnip ingredients, since the essential oil found in catnip can actually be just as effective as commercial chemical repellents, without the nasty side effects from toxins like DEET. If you have fresh catnip growing in the garden, you can use a high alcohol tincture instead of the hydrosol. Pure grain alcohol (95%) will totally dehydrate the catnip, extracting the oils in about a week. I’ve also included my astringent spray recipe that can be used on bites to help stop itch and swelling.

Summer Repellent Spray

8 oz organic Catnip Hydrosol
20 drops organic Cedarwood Essential Oil
20 drops organic Lavender Essential Oil
10 drops organic Lemongrass Essential Oil
10 drops organic Lemon Essential Oil

Slowly drip each essential oil into the hydrosol, counting with care as you go. Mix all ingredients in the bottle by shaking vigorously. Shake well before each use and reapply as often as needed.

Summer Repellent Oil

8 oz organic Jojoba Oil or Almond Oil or Sunflower Oil
20 drops organic Lavender Essential Oil
15 drops organic Catnip Essential Oil
10 drops organic Eucalyptus Essential Oil
5 drops organic Rosemary Essential Oil

Slowly drip each essential oil into the oil, counting with care as you go. Mix all ingredients in the bottle by rolling the bottle between the palms of your hands. Shake before each use and reapply as often as needed.

Astringent Relief Spray

This spray will help ease the itchiness and pain of bug bites. Plantain is a classic herbal remedy for itchy bug bites, while green tea is also super astringent. The cooling nature of peppermint adds a comforting sensation.

4 oz organic Peppermint Hydrosol
2 oz organic Green Tea, brewed
2 oz organic Plantain Tincture
3 drops organic Peppermint Essential Oil

Pour all ingredients into a glass spray bottle. Shake well before each use and store in the cooler for an extra refreshing chill.

Smudge Them Away!

Another good tip to know is that most bugs really hate aromatic smoke, but people love the nice smelling aroma! Instead of burning those chemical-soaked repellent candles, try burning a bundle of organic mugwort or white sage to smudge the area. You can also use the essential oil recipe blends above in a diffuser for an extra bug-away boost.